Disclaimer: The G-boys and Gundam Wing don’t belong to me.
Warnings: Located in the first part. Be sure to look or you might be surprised.
FIGHITNG THE DARKNESS – PART 12
Aware of the moisture on his face, Trowa sat up and dried his eyes, trying to recall the last time he had cried as he stared at the liquid on his hand. It had been so long ago he couldn’t remember a single time he had allowed his emotions that kind of free reign and was baffled about what was happening to him.
Seeing the sky was already beginning to brighten, he glanced at his watch where it lay on the table, stunned to discover it was after eight in the morning. With little time before morning rounds, he smoothed Duos hair away from the sleeping face, smiling the same small smile Duo wore when he saw it.
Resting his hand on Duo’s cheek, Trowa’s smile faded with the memory of Hilde’s words. “I don’t want her to be right. It’s not just because I don’t like her, although that’s part of it. I’m scared I feel more than I should for you. For now, I can take all of these little things that seem so insignificant like washing your hair and reading to you. I can enjoy all those things without having to worry about your reaction. You can’t exactly go anywhere, can you?”
Burdened by the way he felt, he picked up Duo’s hand and kissed the palm, being careful of the IV in Duo’s wrist. “When you wake up, I’ll still be here for you, Duo. I’ll always be here for you, but I’ll back away. I’ll go back to what I was before coming here and discovering all these things about myself. If you go home with me, I promise to be the perfect friend and roommate.” The vow almost got stuck in his throat. “I’ll never ask for more from you the way Hilde did. Being with you will be enough. Not being alone anymore will be enough. It has to be enough.”
When the nurse came by fifteen minutes later, one that Trowa hadn’t met before, he was already dressed for the day and was gently moving Duo from his side to his back again. “Good morning. You must be Mr. Barton,” she said while shaking his hand so vigorously he thought it would fall off. Her attention quickly focused on Duo, “And this is Mr. Maxwell. Oh, my. He is a gorgeous thing, isn’t he, even so pale. I’ve heard rumors about how attractive he is. It seems the rumors were right,” she babbled as she checked the fluids feeding into Duo’s body.
Her pink uniform, bubbly personality and annoying voice had Trowa thinking of Relena. He blinked when he saw the dual braids at her temples, combined at the back of her head in Relena’s signature style. The almost uncanny resemblance had him disliking the woman before she began to speak again.
“I wish I had met him before all this. I bet he was an interesting man to spend an evening with,” she practically leered at Duo as she unwrapped the bandages. “I sure wish he’d open those peepers. I bet he’s a real ladies’ man, isn’t he? Is he one of those men that has a new girl every night, or is he the serious type? Would I have a chance with him if he wakes up?”
With an undeniable desire to choke the woman with her own hair, Trowa stood with his hands flexing into fists several times before he could form an answer. “His last relationship lasted for several years.”
Cheeks rosy, she beamed at him in delight. “Golly, you mean he’s single? Hopefully, he’ll wake up soon. I’d love to see if the gossip about his eyes is true. I’ve heard they are an amazing shade of blue. If he feels okay when he wakes up, I can give him a personal and private tour of the physical therapy room and showers. It’s amazing how much privacy there is down there, absolutely amazing.”
Swearing if he heard the word amazing again in the next two minutes he was going to throw the woman out the window, he cleared his throat. “Violet.”
She blinked at him, apparently surprised at the curt tone. “Violet what?”
“His eyes aren’t blue. They’re violet.”
“Really,” the nurse purred, her smile focusing on Duo’s face. “Isn’t that absolutely amaz - ”
“Bobbi, what are you doing in here? I left specific instructions you weren’t to bother this patient,” Ellen strode in the door, face set in a frown that deepened the lines on her face. Trowa thought she looked like someone’s pissed-off grandmother.
Unaware her life had been spared by the interruption, Bobbi-the-nurse gushed, “Come on, Ellen. I had to see if he was as tasty in person as I’ve heard. Tell me he doesn’t make your heart go pitter-pat.”
Turning from the annoying nurse, Ellen gave Trowa a pained smile, “How are you this morning, Trowa? Did you both sleep well?”
“We did, yes. Shouldn’t you be gone already?” he had grown quite fond of the older woman during his short stay there.
“I was on my way out when I heard this one,” she jerked a thumb at the blonde, obviously annoyed.
“It’s not a big deal. I was just gonna take care of his bath before I moved on to the other patients.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Ellen stared Bobbi down. “You do not touch this patient. When Mari gets here, she’ll take care of his needs, like she’s been doing.”
In a whiny tone reminiscent of Relena’s, Bobbi rolled her eyes and simpered, “What’s it gonna hurt if I do his bath? He’s not gonna know.” Turning her gaze to Trowa, she smiled charmingly, not fooling him for a second. “I’m sure you don’t mind if I take care of your buddy, right? When he wakes up you can let him know how a nurse got all hot and bothered when she washed him off. I’ll do a really good job.”
At the end of his patience, already strung tight by his own problems, he let his anger show, “If you attempt to put your hands on him, I’ll break them.”
Bobbi began to laugh, abruptly quieting when she saw he was serious. “Jeez, I didn’t plan to be mean or anything. I was just gonna wash him. No one’s done it since he came in.”
Fervently hoping she hadn’t been the one to touch the unconscious man, Trowa clenched his hand around the railing and ground out his words. “No one’s washed him except me.”
“When you get tired of it, I’ll take over.”
“For God’s sake, Bobbi. Do yourself a favor and shut up,” groaned Ellen as she eyed Trowa’s knuckles warily, turning white from the grip on the support rail. “Go take care of the other patients. If I find out you came back in here, I’ll fire you myself, girl. You got that?”
Pouting, Bobbi nodded. Trowa couldn’t let her leave before asking one thing. “Are you trying to look like Relena Darlian?”
“She’s my absolute idol. I try to be just like her.”
“You’re doing a good job. She’s completely nuts, too.”
The annoying nurse barely managed to get out the door – with Ellen dragging her by the arm - before Mari bustled in, bearing his breakfast on a tray. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I heard Bobbi was here. She didn’t manage to cop a feel or anything, did she?”
“She might have if I hadn’t been here. I wasn’t…happy…with her.”
Some of the stress disappeared from her face as she laughed, checking Duo’s vitals. “I would have loved to see that. She’s needed someone to put her in her place a long time. If I had been here on time, she wouldn’t have had a chance to get in here. Bobbi only works on this floor two days a week. It’s still too much, in my opinion.”
“She wasn’t here when Duo was brought in, was she?” he hid a shiver of revulsion at the idea of Bobbi-the-psycho-nurse touching the unconscious man.
“No, thank goodness. She changed rotations with another nurse, so she hasn’t been up here in two weeks. It was a quiet two weeks,” Mari mused, eyes cast toward the ceiling, making Trowa chuckle.
“Can I ask what made you late?”
His query prompted a weary sigh, “I spent half the night walking my living room. My son has night terrors,” she explained softly.
Able to sympathize with monsters in the night, Trowa eased a hip onto the bed, picking up Duo’s hand and holding it between both of his own. “How old is your son?”
“He turned three in January.” She smiled as she spied his hands. “It’s not as bad as it could be. He doesn’t stop breathing like some of the more serious cases, but I still have to keep him on a heart monitor.”
“Does your husband help?” he asked, noting the lack of a ring on her hand.
Mari emptied the catheter bag, her face red from his question. “I don’t have a husband. There was a guy that was special to me, but I wasn’t so special to him. When he found out I was pregnant, he took off. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.” She shrugged, “Saul and I are better off without him. He was a bad boy, one I believed would change.”
Realizing she was embarrassed, Trowa ducked his head to hide a smile, “You remind me of Duo.”
“What? How? Our situations are nothing alike.”
“You’re both strong. Things happened to you that would have most people giving up, but you kept going. Your son is very lucky to have a mother like you.”
“Duo is very lucky to have you,” she said, getting his eyes.
“I don’t know about that. I do know I’m lucky to have him.” For a little while, he added mentally.
“Are you leaving today?”
“I thought I’d stay today. A friend is supposed to be here either today or tomorrow, depending on how fast he can make it from L4. How will I know when he gets here?”
“I’ll have any visitors for Duo sent to this floor. You’ll have to approve them before they’re allowed to enter the ward, though.”
Not understanding why the ward was locked but grateful for the extra protection, he nodded. He had planned to leave, needing to put some distance between himself and Duo, but he wasn’t going anywhere with insane nurse Bobbi on duty.
Alone with Duo he ate his breakfast mechanically while scanning his mailbox, rolling his eyes at the high number of mail sent by the other pilots, who had apparently given up calling. He quickly composed a note to all three, vaguely telling of Duo’s condition and repeating the order they were not to come to the hospital. He did tell them their presence may do more harm than good.
With that task accomplished, he focused his attention on locating the other two men that had taken part in the attack on Duo. While he would have enjoyed making Bo and Jason Whitaker pay for their acts, his main priority had been keeping Hilde safe – to do that required getting the brothers behind bars and off the streets as soon as possible. Not being able to get revenge on the two men that had planned the attack had rubbed him the wrong way, and he was looking forward to getting his hands on the other men involved.
The images of the men’s faces swam in his mind as he searched all the people the Whitaker brothers were known to associate with. He had no luck until after lunch, when he pulled up a file for a man known mainly as Skunk, though he had dozens of aliases. Saving the file so he could return to it later, he continued the search but found no hint of the last man.
“It’s going to take some time to find Skunk, but when I do he’ll lead me to the last of their group. I need to find out where this Skunk hangs out. I may have to talk to the Whitakers, after all.” The prospect frightened him, fearing he would hurt the other men. “Whatever it takes,” he stated firmly as he put his computer away.
The rest of the day passed without incident, the nurse from hell not showing up again. Trowa finished the book he had been reading with a frown. “Why is this your favorite book, Duo? It’s so sad. I thought there would be a happy ending. That sucked.”
“I always thought the same thing,” said one of the day nurses, Rudy, as he came in to check on Duo one last time before he left. “My son loved it, though. Said it proved souls meant to be together would find a way. I just think it’s about death.”
While most of the staff on the floor were young, Rudy and Ellen seemed to be the respected elders. Rudy’s thick brown hair proved he wasn’t as old as Ellen, but he had obviously lived a full life. Trowa assumed not all of that life had been good, seeing the sadness in the hazel eyes as the man spoke of his son.
“I agree with you. Duo would probably agree with your son. That’s not my idea of a good way to end,” he tossed the book onto one of the two chairs, making a face.
Rudy snickered, “You think that’s bad? You should watch the movie. I cried, and I’m not exactly a sissy-boy.” The man’s face suddenly flushed, “I don’t mean like you. I just mean…I’m only making this worse.”
Laughter burbled out of Trowa before he could stop it, amused by the way Rudy’s hands were waving about. “I never thought of myself as a sissy-boy, Rudy. Stop worrying. I’m gay, not girly.”
“I’ve known a few people in my life that were overly sensitive about the issue, and most of the weren’t gay. Still, it’s hard to imagine you being homosexual.”
Raising the bed so Duo was sitting up, Trowa leaned over and got comfortable, his elbow propped near Duo’s hip. “Because I don’t talk with a lisp and use over the top hand gestures? That’s a stereotype, you know.”
Taking the empty food tray from Trowa’s lunch, the older man shook his head, “You were military once,” he observed, lifting an eyebrow when Trowa stiffened. “I thought they were more discreet. When I served it was a big secret, but you don’t seem to care if anyone knows.”
“I was in the war, but I never served in the military.”
“You knew Duo from the war? I’m guessing you worked closely with him and three others.”
Instead of responding verbally, Trowa simply smiled and inclined his head. Rudy gave another short laugh. “You don’t want anyone to know,” he said after a moment.
“It might…cloud what’s important.”
“They won’t hear it from me,” the older man promised.
As Rudy left, Trowa realized the whole staff had taken his request to heart and had begun to call Duo by his first name. “Most of the people here are nice, Duo,” he mused. “I can see why you were willing to come back. The only time I went to L3 was when I was with the circus, before joining the Preventers. I never thought about going back. There was nothing there for me.” In a move that was becoming habit, he took Duo’s hand between his, studying the long fingers. “I went to earth because the others were there, and the job was there, but there’s never really been anything there for me, either.”
The door opening stopped him from saying more that he would probably regret later. At times he felt could ignore the things in his mind – once they were spoken aloud, however, he could no longer deny it. “The front desk just called. Security is escorting a man up here who says you know he’s coming,” Rudy said with an apologetic expression. “It sounds like he caused quite a stir downstairs.”
Squeezing Duo’s hand, Trowa scrambled from the bed, absently kissing the comatose man’s palm before putting it under the blanket. “Sounds like Howard made it faster than he thought. I’ll be right back, okay?”
Before he ever reached the locked doors he could hear the man’s voice booming down the corridor. “You open the damn door and let me see my boy. If you don’t, I’m gonna break the door down.”
“Sir, we don’t have your son here, I swear.” Trowa rolled his eyes as he recognized one of the security guards from the first day, one he hadn’t liked at all.
“You don’t know who you got. Get outta my way!” Howard was shoving past the befuddled guard when Trowa released the lock on the door.
Pushing it open, he cleared his throat, “Howard, lower your voice.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, Trowa. Where is he?”
Giving the guard a short nod, Trowa crossed his arms and glared at the other man, somewhat surprised to realize he towered over the grey-haired man. “We’ll go when you lower your voice.”
“I’ll find him myself,” announced Howard.
He started down the hall, only to stop dead when Trowa spoke softly, “You need to calm down. Going in like this is not going to help him.”
It was possible to see the actual effort Howard put into pulling himself together, taking deep breaths. “I didn’t mean to be so…”
“Panicked?” supplied Trowa ruefully. “I know just how you feel.”
“How is he?”
Leading the other man through the hallways, the green-eyed man shrugged, “The doctor says there’s no change. He’s still unresponsive to all of their tests.”
“I don’t give a damn what the doctor says. Half of ‘em don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Tell me how he is.”
“Improving slowly. He’s getting better, both physically and mentally.”
“You gonna tell me how you know that?”
Stopping in front of Duo’s closed door, Trowa ignored the inquiry. “Duo looks bad, but it’s his mind I’m more concerned with. The staff here says there is no reason for him not to be awake.”
Trowa couldn’t recall ever seeing Howard’s eyes before, so he was stunned at the intelligence revealed when the mirrored glasses were yanked off with an irritated motion. “You tell me why my boy isn’t waking up. You know more than these idiots, and don’t insult me by lying.”
“Let’s go inside.” When the other man grabbed his arm, Trowa glanced around. Though the hallways weren’t bustling with activity, there were enough people to make him cautious. “I’ll answer your questions the best I can, but not out here.”
In Duo’s room, Howard stared down at the sleeping man, tears in his eyes. “He’s so skinny, and where’s the rest of his hair? They didn’t cut it here, did they?”
“Either he cut it, or it was cut by someone else. It was like this when he was brought in.”
Howard picked up the clipboard at the bottom of the bed, quickly flipping thought the pages. “Tell me about the previous assault he was treated for. He was raped, wasn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“Let me guess, they never found the bastard that did it,” Howard replaced the clipboard, disgusted.
“Bastards. There was more than one. Two are already under arrest, as of last night. The other two haven’t been located yet.”
“They gonna be arrested, too?” Howard’s eyes were on Trowa intently.
“Not if I have anything to do with it. I needed the first two out of the way so Hilde would be safe from them.”
“You don’t like her either. Fancy that,” mused the older man as he laid a hand on Duo’s shoulder. “Why haven’t you gone after the others yet? I can see how badly you want to.”
“I didn’t…” Trowa hesitated, not wanting to explain how he had hated leaving Duo alone for long periods of time. “I had to make sure there was someone to stay here.”
“I’m here now, so I suppose you’ll be leaving soon? You been staying here at night? I don’t see a bed anywhere.”
Face burning, Trowa ducked it at the insinuation. He risked a glance up when he heard Howard’s chuckle. “Never thought I’d see you, of all people, blush. I ain’t gonna say nuthin, kid, as long as you explain what’s really goin’ on.”
Faced with the ultimatum that Trowa had no doubt Howard would carry though, he broke down and told the other man everything, from the dreams at the beginning to the way he was able to speak to Duo while asleep. Expecting derision and scorn, Howard’s soft words nearly had him falling off the chair he had sat in as a deterrent to stay away from Duo. “He has himself locked in his own mind because of guilt? That sounds like my boy. What? You thought I’d laugh at you?” he pointed a skinny finger at Trowa. “You know things you couldn’t unless you talked to him. He could have even called you for help.”
“Why would he call me? Why me, out of everyone?”
“You never let him down, not like the rest of us.”
Unable to hold back any longer, Trowa stood and ran his hands gently over the blankets until he located one of Duo’s, then let them rest there a few seconds before withdrawing, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You didn’t let him down, Howard. He thought you were dead.”
“Because of her,” snarled Howard, revealing amazingly white teeth.
“What happened? Duo said -” stopping he realized how insane he sounded, then continued with a shrug. “He was supposed to go with you, but Hilde wouldn’t let him go on a job. What went wrong?”
Howard stared at him for a moment, rubbing his chin with a shaking hand. “If I didn’t believe you before, I sure as hell do now. No one knew Duo was gonna go but me, Hilde, and him. I doubt she said anything about it.”
“I’ve kept my interactions with her limited.”
“She’s a real bitch, ain’t she?”
“She’s selfish and jealous and spiteful. Yeah, she’s a bitch,” Trowa finally agreed.
After patting Duo’s arm carefully above the bandages, Howard took the seat Trowa had vacated. Trowa took the opportunity to sit on the edge of the bed, gripping Duo’s fingers where their hands were, hopefully, hidden from the other man’s view. “It was an easy salvage job, in an asteroid belt around Jupiter. Marginally difficult with one person, but a breeze with two experienced spacers. Duo jumped at the chance. Personally, I think he wanted some time away, and the added benefit of being in space again. He’d gone on some short jobs with me before, and Hilde never had a problem with it.”
Howard rubbed his face, idly scratching his goatee. “I was at the house when he told her, staying in the guest room for a day or two before I headed out. When he brought it up, Hilde went ballistic. She was screaming and raving, saying he never had time for her because he was too busy doing stuff for everyone else. She said he was going to make time for her one way or another, then told him if he left he shouldn’t plan to come back. If he went out on a job that took more than two days maximum, he wouldn’t have a home to come back to.”
Remembering the timeline he had come up with, Trowa frowned, “This happened right after the new Maxwell church was completed? Duo must have spent a lot of time there. He would have needed that time off-colony to put all of those memories to rest again.” Stricken, he met the other man’s eyes, “How could she not know that?”
“She probably knew and just didn’t care.”
“You timed the job so you could take him away for a while, so he could recover.”
The observation had the older man grinning, “You know a lot more than I gave you credit for, kid. How do you know?”
“In Duo’s place, it’s how I would feel and what I would need. In your place, knowing how Duo would feel and needing to help him. Hilde’s reasoning escapes me. I don’t understand how she could be so uncaring after everything Duo’s done for her.”
“I’m a little surprised she’s not here,” observed Howard after a moment of silence. “Usually after they fight she begs him to come back, saying how sorry she is.”
“She’s done that before?”
“Every three or four months she’ll tell him to get out, then goes and finds him later that day, whining and pitiful. She tried yet?”
“I told her if she came near Duo, I’d kill her,” stated Trowa bluntly. “So far, she hasn’t tested me.”
“And what about the other pilots? I’d expected them to be hovering around, too.”
“I don’t know and I don’t care as long as they don’t come here. When Duo wakes, he can decide if he wants to talk to them or not. For now, they will stay away.”
“I hate to bring this up, Trowa.” Something in Howard’s tone had Trowa giving the man his full attention. “When he does wake up, what are you gonna do if he goes back to her?”
Fear of losing Duo had his gut clenching. Keeping his expression blank, he turned his gaze to the window. “If that’s what he wants, I won’t stop him.”
“I can see how you -”
Aware Duo was able to hear at least part of the conversation, Trowa cut Howard off mid-sentence. “Don’t. Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. I’m here to help Duo get better. After that, his life is his own. What he chooses to do has nothing to do with me.”
“Hilde’s selfish, Trowa. You’re selfless.”
Not knowing what to say, Trowa glanced at his watch. “If I don’t come back tonight, will you stay with him? The men I’m going to be looking for are the types that do their work at night.”
“You gonna be okay out there at night? This ain’t earth, boy.”
“I grew up in a place a lot like this. I remember the rules, Howard.”
Removing his hand from Duo’s, he went to where he had pried loose a panel under the sink to retrieve his bag, hearing Howard’s chuckle behind him. Seeing the variety of tools and weapons Trowa began to pull out from under the false bottom of the bag, the older man’s amusement died. “You goin’ to war?”
Slipping on his holster, Trowa put his service weapon in it, removing it again seconds later and replacing it with one of his own personal, untraceable, guns. After that he tucked another gun in a butt-holster, affixing it to the back of his pants before he dug in the bag and came out with a number of knives. Once he attached the sheathes to his legs, he put his knives there – taking the third sheath and putting it on his forearm, sliding the blade Duo had tried to end his own life with inside. Making sure he had spare ammo and his set of lock-picking tools, he nodded to Howard. “Whatever it takes.”
Wanting to say good-bye to Duo but uncomfortable with an observer, he started to put on his leather jacket, stopping when Howard popped up from the chair like an over-wound jack-in-the-box. “Actually, if you can wait a few minutes, I’d like to introduce myself to the nurses. Maybe I can charm them into getting me some grub.”
“Have the food charged to the room. It’s on Quatre’s tab.”
“Nice touch,” Howard commented as he breezed out the door, closing it firmly behind him.
Approaching the head of the bed, words died in Trowa’s throat. For a moment he could only look at the braided man, running his hand across the thick hair, trying to find what he wanted to say. Finally, he leaned down to kiss Duo’s forehead, resting his brow there for a moment. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll be back. Howard’s going to stay with you until I return. I’ll…” miss you. “I…” have so many things I need to tell you. “I…” think I love you. “I’ll be back,” he rasped, words thick with emotion. “You keep fighting, Duo. Don’t you dare give up.”