INTO THE LIGHT – PART 4
The sharp gasp had him awake, groaning as his head threatened to pound off his shoulders. “Trowa, be quiet. My head’s killing me.”
“Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t expect to wake up here, like this.”
Prying his eyes open, Duo saw his hand was still clasped in Trowa’s. “I’m comfortable.”
“You…knew we were like this?”
“The best I’ve slept in a long time,” Duo commented quietly. “Why don’t you lie back down so I can go back to sleep?”
“It’s tempting, but I have to go to work.”
Understanding Trowa wouldn’t skip work without a good reason Duo rolled onto his back and looked up at the man hovering above him. “How long do you have to work?”
“Just a few hours, some unfinished paperwork. I should be back by noon since I’ll be the only one there. Wufei and Heero both took the weekend off.”
“When you get home do you wanna get some lunch and then head to the museum? I figured since you didn’t get to go yesterday, we could go together.”
Trowa gave him a baffled expression, “You don’t have a date?”
“Uh, no. Thought I’d give that aspect of my life a break so I could sort some things out.”
Lifting an eyebrow, the other man asked, “Anything you want to talk about? I might be able to help.”
Though he was counting on Trowa helping him out, he didn’t think it was a good idea to start that discussion until they had more time. “Not right now. Maybe later today.”
At this, the tall man smiled, “Then I’d be happy to go to the museum. You choose lunch, my treat.”
Hesitantly, Duo reached up with his free hand, touching the hair at the back of Trowa’s neck, eliciting a soft gasp from the other man. “Only if I get to pay for the museum. We could treat it like a date,” he suggested.
He was hurt when Trowa shook his head, “Why don’t we treat it like two friends going out to do something they both enjoy?”
“But -”
“You don’t know what you want, Duo. The questions you asked last night told me that. I’m not willing to have you hurt, not for anything.”
Letting his hand fall, Duo focused his eyes on Trowa’s shoulder, studying the wrinkles in the silk, “You don’t want me.”
“I’ll always want you,” Trowa surprised him by speaking the truth. “But I’d rather be the way we are now than start something that could hurt us both.”
Realizing he had the power to hurt the tall, strong man that had been there for him without question had Duo understanding he needed to think about everything more. Meeting the worried green watching him, he smiled, “Friends, then. Try to hurry at work.”
“I will. You try to get some more sleep.” Trowa started to get up, pausing as Duo’s hand came up with his own. Duo frowned at the sadness in his roommate’s eyes before their fingers loosened.
He was still awake when he heard the front door shut a half hour later and eventually gave up on sleep, unable to get comfortable again. Knowing he wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep, he heaved a sigh. Aware this was a problem he was unequipped to deal with on his own, he sat up and grabbed his phone, smirking when his call was answered despite the early hour. “Have you got some time for me today before eleven? There’s something I need help with.”
Less than an hour later, he opened the door to a man that had once been his closest friend, snickering helplessly at the bleary eyes and hair that stuck up in every direction…worse than usual. Receiving a glare, his snickers changed to giggles. “Ohmygod,” he squeaked. “You look like hell, Heero.”
His reply was a growl, making him laugh even harder, holding his aching head. “C’mon. I’ve got coffee started,” he offered, knowing the blue-eyed man needed a jolt of caffeine in the morning, a habit he had picked up from Duo during the war.
Patiently, Duo waited until his guest was halfway through the first cup of coffee, using the time to phrase the questions he had so Heero wouldn’t run out of the house like his hair was on fire. Unable to find another way, he just asked, watching in amusement as Heero choked on his own coffee. “How did you know you were gay?”
When Heero finally stopped coughing, he glared at Duo. “You don’t just ask someone a question like that out of nowhere.”
“Trowa wouldn’t mind.”
“Well, Trowa’s more comfortable talking to you than he is anyone else.”
It was an opening Duo had waited almost two years for and he wasn’t going to let it pass, he could return to the original question once he had a satisfying response. “Why is that, Heero? I was gone for years, but he’s more comfortable with me than any of you and you were all here. Hell, you all live within ten miles of each other.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Heero stated stubbornly.
“It seemed natural you would be the withdrawn one, Heero. Trowa had started to open up right at the end of the war and I was working with you but you still had a long way to go. So what happened to make you and him switch personalities? He’s quiet and introverted. You…well, you’re not an extrovert, but you have a fairly healthy personal life and a number of friends.”
“I don’t have anything to say about it. Ask Trowa.”
“I have. He won’t answer.” Crossing his arms on the surface of the table, Duo played a card he wouldn’t have if he hadn’t felt this was important. “You owe me. I haven’t asked you for anything in all the years we’ve known each other except for once. You let me down then. Don’t do it again.”
Guilt, shame, and regret swamped the other man’s features but Duo didn’t back down. He was beginning to believe he wasn’t going to get an answer when Heero spoke, face conveying his sadness. “After you left, we all went our own way. We tried to keep in contact for those first few months, but it was hard. Everyone was moving around from place to place, other than you. To me it seemed you were the only one of us that had any idea what they wanted to do.”
Duo snorted at the irony, “I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I hated being where I was. Hilde offered me a place to live and a job.” As Heero’s face turned red, he shook his head, “It’s the past. Go on.”
“I got tired of wandering. I guess it was the same for Wufei. He also had the added bonus of Sally being based here. When I got the message he was moving here, I decided to take Une up on her offer. Quatre moved here about a month after I did, saying he thought Earth was a beautiful place for his home base. He’s the one that contacted Trowa a few months later and asked him to move here and join the Preventers like Wufei and I had or he could take a job in Quatre’s company.”
Heero paused long enough to finish his coffee. Getting up to pour a refill, he shook his head. “It took Trowa a few weeks to make arrangements, but he eventually got here. Before he arrived, the three of us had spent a lot of time together and had become close friends. I suppose when he got here, he felt like…”
“An outsider?” Duo supplied, knowing the feeling well. There had been times after he had moved in with Trowa that the five would do something together. Each time he had felt like he had been included because of their connection instead of who he was. Had Trowa felt the same?
Retaking his seat, Heero stared morosely into his cup. “I guess so. We were so busy with ourselves we didn’t pay any attention until he began asking us when we had talked to you last. After he returned from L2, Wufei and I tried to approach him, both together and separately, to apologize for the way we had acted toward him and you.”
“What did he say to that?”
“It was too late to have the friendship we could have had. We neglected you, Duo. We took advantage of Trowa. If we needed anything we would call and expect him to be available. When I moved into my new apartment, he dropped whatever he was doing and came to help without me even asking. The same thing happened when Wufei moved in with Sally. When Quatre bought an old warehouse, he needed help moving out the things that had been left by the previous owners. Trowa was there before the rest of us, already had a truck he had rented half-full. When Trowa moved in here, he called us, each and every one of us. We all said we would help him move and then forgot about it. The next Monday when we went into work he didn’t mention it. Wufei finally thought to ask when he was moving and he calmly told us he already had. He had to hire a moving company, Duo.”
Angered by what he heard, Duo stood and paced, “What was Quatre’s excuse?”
“He was off-planet.”
“He could’ve been here. He holds enough power to arrange things to be here when he wants.” Seeing Heero wince, he narrowed his eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“This all happened right after Quatre approached Trowa and asked him out. Trowa said he couldn’t. Quatre was still mad about being turned down.”
“So he was mean out of spite, the same way Hilde was mean to me.” He shook his head, hurt by the way his so-called friends had acted. “You guys abandoned me, Heero. I can forgive that because I was halfway across the solar system. I don’t know if I can forgive what you did to Trowa. He was right there in front of you! I can believe it of Wufei, he’s always been wrapped up in his own life, but you and Quatre? I thought you had more compassion than that. Quatre’s empathy is worthless without kindness.”
“Duo, I wish we had paid more attention. If we had, we could all be so close. We still can be if we work hard enough.”
Duo pinned Heero with a glare, eyes blazing with the rage he felt. “If we work hard enough? You, Quatre, and Wufei are the ones that need to learn what a friend really is. Trowa barely knew me, yet he was willing to risk everything he had here, his job, his home, and his friends, to come and help me because he thought I might be in trouble. That’s a friend, Heero. I’d trust Trowa with my life and anything else he asked for, knowing he would never hurt me.” His own words surprised him, realizing he already knew the answers to a number of questions he had wanted to ask Trowa. “I don’t trust the three of you enough to take my car. You need to get together and figure out what a real friend is. I know and so does Trowa. When you figure out if you can be that kind of person, let me know.”
Heero looked like he was going to cry. “You were the best friend I had, Duo.”
“Yeah, I was. Once, but not anymore. You aren’t the same person you were, Heero. You used to care about people other than yourself. You almost died because you were thinking about other people and not yourself. I like the old you a lot better. You might have been a homicidal maniac, but at least you had some sympathy.”
“That’s enough, Duo,” Trowa strode through the doorway, giving Heero the smallest flick of glances before pulling Duo into his arms. “Leave,” he said coldly to the man watching them both with anguished blue eyes.
Seeing the pain on Heero’s face, Duo averted his eyes, burrowing in Trowa’s chest and realizing his face was wet with tears. “I said get out,” repeated Trowa, tone deadly.
Heero’s voice was shaky when he spoke, “I can’t tell you both how sorry we all are for the things we did, or didn’t do. Will you call me later?”
“Get out of our house, Heero. If he wants to call you he will. Don’t bother to call here. I won’t answer the phone.”
Duo heard the retreating footsteps then the front door slam. Unable to stop sobbing, he clung to the tall man for several minutes, eventually soothed by the large hand rubbing his back. “I thought you were gonna be home at twelve?” he asked brokenly, still sniffling.
“You told me to hurry, so I did,” Trowa led him to the table, where Duo flopped into the chair he normally used. Instead of sitting, the tall man crouched on the floor in front of him, looking up at Duo with a worried expression. “Can I ask what that was about? I could hear you shouting from the car.”
“They’re so damn selfish it makes me sick,” he spat, disgusted all over again. “Just like Hilde.”
“Not like Hilde. She did what she did deliberately, to hurt you. They just let their lives overshadow the importance of yours. I thought you had decided to forgive them?”
“For what they did to me, I have, mostly. I can’t forgive them for how they treated you.”
Green eyes widened, Trowa’s hand stopping in mid-air on its way to the arm of the chair. “How they treated me?”
“They abandoned you, too. How can you forget that?”
“I didn’t, but I forgave them. I can’t let go of what they did to you. What happened to me isn’t important.”
“It is to me,” Duo said softly, then sighed. “We have really shitty friends, don’t we?”
Chuckling, Trowa took the coffee mugs and set them in the sink. “I guess we do. That’s what we have each other for, right?”
“Right.” Hoping to lighten the mood, Duo smiled broadly. “What do we do now? It’s a bit early for lunch,” he nodded at the clock, which hadn’t yet reached ten in the morning.
“I suggest we both take a nap. I’m still tired.”
Duo nodded and followed the other man down the hallway, stopping at the door to his room while Trowa turned to go up the stairs, where his own room was located. “Trowa, will you stay with me?”
Coming down the two steps he had ascended, Trowa nodded and let Duo lead the way, halting abruptly when Duo began to get undressed. “Um, Duo?”
“I’m keeping my shorts on, so don’t freak. Can you really sleep in clothes?”
“I slept well last night,” evaded Trowa.
“You passed out last night,” Duo pointed out as he pulled the covers back and climbed between them. “Take your clothes off and get in bed.”
With his face tinted pink, Trowa did as ordered. Duo released a silent breath as he really looked at the slender body, all long lines and lean muscle. Discovering the other man wore a pair of black briefs raised his blood pressure, something he hadn’t expected. Silently, he admitted he was, in fact, attracted to Trowa in a sexual way; yet another question answered.
He didn’t let his aroused state stop him from burrowing into Trowa as soon as the tall man slid between the blankets, sighing as an arm was placed around his waist. “I missed this, to tell the truth.”
“I imagine you’ve slept with other people,” Trowa commented wryly.
Duo jerked a shoulder at the reminder of his supposed conquests, “I meant I missed you.”
“We never -”
“We did. While I was in a coma. You slept beside me then.”
“You knew?”
Weaving his fingers with Trowa’s, Duo smiled at the remembered sensation, though the memory was pale compared to what he felt now. “I could feel your warmth around me in that dark, cold place. I almost always felt it before you would come and talk to me. I think I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to admit it.” He took a deep breath, “Trowa, I - ”
“Go to sleep.”
“But…”
Moist lips touched the back of his neck, making him shiver not from cold or disgust, but pleasure. His body’s reaction to the tiny stimulus was so strong and sudden it was almost frightening. As always, it was Trowa’s low voice that calmed him. “Not yet, Duo. We’ll talk when you aren’t worn out physically and emotionally. For now, sleep.”
As if hypnotized, his eyes fell shut of their own accord, his limbs heavy. Trowa shifted once, pulling him even closer, his hand tightening for a second around Duo’s before relaxing.