Disclaimers and warnings in first part.
After digging around under the front counter, Duo finally unearthed the bottle of aspirin, sighing as he discovered the bottle only held two. Swallowing them with a bottle of water that had grown warm long ago, he studied the man casually strolling the aisles. It was more than a small shock to see Trowa again after six years, but it was impossible for him not to notice the tall man was even more attractive than he had been before.
The passing years had been kind to Trowa, the broad shoulders filling out while the waist has remained narrow. The dark blue jeans clung to slender hips, enhancing the grey t-shirt that molded to the muscular chest, revealing the muscles of the tall man’s arms well. The tightening in Duo’s gut was familiar in Trowa’s presence and he was determined to ignore that sensation.
“What have you been doing?” he asked, keeping his voice calm although his stomach was tied in knots.
“I’ve been working on the Hydra,” Trowa spoke of the large spacecraft that had been growing animal and plant life for the colonies. It had originally been only a concept until wealthy colonists, led by Relena and Quatre, had donated the money and people to see that the idea became a reality.
“I didn’t realize you planned to work onboard when you finished helping build it,” noted Duo with a sour tone, blinking when the other man’s eyes jerked to his.
“I hadn’t planned to. I heard some things as they were looking for crew members and decided it would be a change of pace...building and growing rather than death and destruction.”
“What did you hear?”
Trowa stared at him for a long moment, making Duo’s heart beat rapidly. It was so hard for him to see what he had once had so close, but made no move to lessen the distance, keeping the counter between them as he waited for a reply. Eventually, the green-eyed man shook his head and glanced around at the shelves, filled with toys. “You opened this place about three years ago, didn’t you? Is business good?”
Disappointed he wasn’t going to receive a response, but not surprised at all at the evasion, Duo sighed, hand clenching the water bottle. “Business is good. I sell a lot of the merchandise on-line, but there are a few regular customers that come in at least once a week. The tourists buy a lot, as well.” Gesturing to the hand-crafted toys on a shelf with glass doors, he shook his head, “It amazes me how much we make on the hand-crafted items, but this type of thing is in high demand. You wouldn’t believe how much I charge for a homemade doll.”
“No one appears to be shopping for toys today.”
Forcing a laugh, Duo waved a hand, “It’s always like this when I bring the kids. I think everyone hears the screams and avoid the store.”
“You bring them in with you a lot?”
Duo frowned as Trowa began to move between the shelves again. Realizing he couldn’t hide behind the counter forever, he went to the play area in the back of the store and began to pick up toys that had been left on the floor. Carefully placing each container on its designated shelf, he shrugged, “Not really, mainly just when Hil needs a break.”
“How is Hilde?”
The forced sound of Trowa’s voice had Duo turning, gaping when he found Trowa less than a foot away. Taking several steps back, he gave another shrug, “Kia, the baby, is wearing her out. She’s only three weeks old and already a momma’s girl. She doesn’t want anyone but Hilde. If it wasn’t for Morgan being here to help me out, I’d be insane. The kids have been here three times this week.” Frowning at Trowa, he cleared his throat, “You’re about to break that crayon, you know. I don’t really care, but Ayla tends to put everything in her mouth and she might choke on small pieces.”
Face turning pink, Trowa gazed down at the brown crayon in his hand before dropping it into the box Duo held out. “Are they good kids?”
Baffled at the questions, Duo resumed picking up toys, lingering over each one so he wouldn’t have to look at the other man, or worse, demand answers to the questions he had. “Kyran’s a bit jealous of the time Hilde spends with Kia, but I’m hoping that gets better. Ayla’s grouchy all the time right now because the baby has her days and nights turned around and she’s keeping everyone awake at night. Today is not…a normal day. Usually they’re very good.”
“They’re attractive kids.”
“I guess so. Kia still looks all squished, but Ayla and Kyran looked the same, so I guess that’s normal for babies.” Duo made a face as he remembered seeing the baby the first time.
“They look like Hilde instead of you.”
“Both of the older ones are spitting images of their mother, and I suppose Kia will be when she gets older, and…what?”
Standing quickly, Duo faced the other man, eyes growing wide when he saw the intense expression on Trowa’s face. “I always thought they would look more like you,” the green-eyed man said softly. “They’re still attractive, but they would be even more attractive if they looked like you.”
Duo was too stunned to think for several seconds. Thankfully, his mouth operated on auto-pilot, “I hope not. Kieran would kill me.”
“Kieran?”
“Hilde’s husband and the father of their children. Kieran Askimar.”
Trowa’s face went from slightly confused to completely befuddled, “You aren’t with Hilde?”
“Not like that. She’s practically my sister. I’m the kids’ godfather, Trowa. I live in a house across the street from Hilde and Kieran.” As he saw the stunned expression on Trowa’s face, he felt a pit open in his stomach, making him sick. “What exactly did you hear that made you sign on as part of the Hydra’s crew?”
“That you were at the hospital, proudly showing off a baby that looked a lot like you. What was I supposed to think?”
“It wouldn’t have been that difficult to make a fucking phone call. They had phones at the construction bay. I know because I tried to call you.” Old hurt welled inside him as Duo spun away, “When you didn’t call, didn’t send an email, I tried to call. You said you’d be gone three months, Trowa. Three. After six months, I assumed something had happened so I made a few calls and found out you were still on site. After nine months, I guessed you weren’t coming back, but I still had some hope. After a year, I moved on with my life.”
A hand fell on his shoulder and he made himself remain still. His heart was conflicted, remembering how much he had loved the other man even as he recalled the doubt after hearing nothing for months. “I wanted to call, Duo. I was afraid that if I did, if I heard your voice, I wouldn’t stay. For over a year, the whole time we were together, I was so wrapped up in you I was afraid I was losing myself. I had to see if I could live without you for a while. The first few months were pure hell, but it got easier. I was stupid when I heard about the baby and made a hasty decision to sign on as crew.”
Unable to take the feel of the strong hand on his shoulder, Duo shook it off and headed back to the sanctuary behind the counter. “A hasty decision, huh? That’s one thing to call it.” Sitting on the stool behind the register, he watched as Trowa came back up the aisle, wishing he didn’t find the man so damn appealing. “Why did you decide to come here, Trowa? Another hasty decision?”
Hands flat on the counter, the tall man leaned forward, “I’ve thought about this for a long time. I wanted to see you again.”
“Now you’ve seen me. Satisfied?”
“Not even close. Duo, I had every intention of taking you from Hilde. Since she’s not in the way, I want what we had.”
“When you thought about this, you never bothered to consider the one thing that could put a serious crimp in your plan.”
“What would that be? I didn’t forget anything.”
“I doubt you forgot anything. You were always good with details.” Feeling more at ease with the counter between them, Duo leaned forward, placing his face closer to Trowa’s. “You never considered that I wouldn’t want you. You just assumed I’d be willing to take you back, overlooking everything you did to me when you disappeared.”
Leaning back, Duo saw the genuine surprise on Trowa’s face, the first actual emotion he had seen that appeared in the green eyes. While the tall man’s words had been pretty, they had been delivered with no emotion, as if they had been rehearsed many times. Nodding once, Duo narrowed his eyes, “That’s what you believed would happen. You’d show up out of nowhere and I’d do whatever you wanted.”
“Duo, I…”
“You were wrong,” he interrupted angrily. “I might have followed you anywhere in the past, but those days were over a long time ago. When I realized you weren’t coming back, I built a life of my own. You wanted to prove you could live without me? Great, I’m happy you figured that out. The problem is that I also learned I could live without you. I guess I should thank you for leaving me like that. I learned to stand on my own. Go find someone else, Trowa. I need someone that can care about me as much as I care about them. You never could give that much.”
“You never said you were unhappy,” Trowa crossed his arms over his chest, daring Duo to disagree.
“I hated working for the Preventers,” Duo hissed with so much vehemence that the tall man backed up several feet. “I never fit in there and you knew it. I hated being stuck in that uniform, having to work with people I still considered enemies, but I stayed because you asked me. I was so scared if I did something you didn’t like that you would leave me. I did everything you wanted, gave you everything I had and you left anyway. You never once told me how you felt, and I all but bowed down at your feet for some kind of approval.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“It was; you just don’t want to see it. I stayed at the Preventers for a year after you left, Trowa, on the off chance you would come back.”
“That doesn’t change that I want you back. Damn it, Duo, I’ve missed you.”
Stunned at the real emotion he heard, Duo blinked. Abruptly exhausted, his voice came out weary and worn, “I missed you too, for the first two years. Then I pulled myself together, got over you and moved on. It’s time for you to do the same.”
“Moved on?” The idea seemed to stun Trowa more than anything else thus far.
“Moved on. I’ve dated, had lovers. You can’t tell me you’ve been celibate for the last six years.”
“None of them meant anything. I always thought of you.”
With a sharp bark of laughter, Duo glared, “Is that supposed to be a compliment? Well, I’m sorry to get in the way of your liaisons, but I really don’t care. The kids will be back soon, Trowa. I want you to leave.”
“Just like that? None of what I said means anything to you?”
Duo gave it some consideration before shaking his head sadly. “If you could have said it five or six years ago, it would have meant something. Now, it’s just a desperate attempt for you to get back something that wouldn’t have lasted another two years, if that long.”
Green eyes blinked, “You believe that? We wouldn’t have lasted?”
Hoping to make the other man understand, Duo shrugged, feeling lost in a way he hadn’t since Trowa’s disappearance. “I loved you with every fiber of my being. I would did things that made me unhappy because it’s what you wanted. That isn’t healthy. Eventually, I would have hated you as much as I loved you. I’m not the same person I was before, Trowa. I’m stronger now and I don’t need you anymore.” Gesturing to the store around him, Duo allowed himself a small smile as he thought of the joy he brought to so many, adults and children alike. “I have a good life. I’m happy, really happy for the first time in my life. I hope one day I can find someone to share that life with, one that will love me as much as I do them. You aren’t capable of that kind of love. You never were, but I hoped you would change.”
“Are you with someone now?”
The sudden question had Duo frowning, wondering why the other man continued to pursue the subject. “Not right now. I’ve been busy with the store and helping Hilde. Trowa, it doesn’t make a difference.”
“It does. Please, Duo, just hear me out. If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll leave and never bother you again. Five more minutes.”
The plea in Trowa’s eyes had Duo nodding against his better judgment. He had never heard Trowa ask for something that sincerely and it made him wonder about the other man. “Five minutes, then you have to leave,” he said, looking at the clock to emphasize his point.
“There were couples on the Hydra. Couples that were happy and perfectly balanced. I don’t want what we had before, Duo. You’re right. I didn’t pay enough attention to what you wanted and I realized that a long time ago. I would think of how things could be if we had another chance. When we reached a port, I would start to call, I’ve had the number to this store since you opened, and then remember you had a baby. I’ve wanted to talk to you for years, but it had to be in person. It’s too easy to hang up a phone on someone. I knew you would be angry. I knew I had hurt you. I had to see you, but I had to wait until my contract was up before I could leave the crew. I want what those other couples on the Hydra had.”
When Trowa fell silent, Duo sat stunned for several seconds. It was the most he had ever heard from the tall man at once, and the most emotion he had ever seen, every word filled with sincerity. Finally, and with real regret, he shook his head, concealing how he felt like he was being torn in two. “We’re both different people now, Trowa. I’m glad you realized what a relationship should be, but I can’t do this again. Find someone else.”
“For me, there isn’t anyone else. There never has been.” It was the closest Trowa had ever come to admitting he had feelings for the long-haired man.
Although Duo hadn’t believed his heart could break a second time, the soft, fervent words had it shattering painfully. “I’m sorry, Trowa. No.”
“I still have one minute. You don’t want to change your mind because you believe I’m the same as I was before. Let me prove to you I’ve changed. I can be the person you want, Duo. I know I can.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m not asking for anything more than a chance. Spend some time with me over the next few weeks. If I fail, if you still don’t want to be with me, I’ll leave. The Hydra is going to be docked for two months. If you don’t want me, I’ll sign back on as crew and I won’t ever come back.”