Warnings: In the first part. Look or you might get a surprise.
Disclaimers: I don’t own them…duh.
Three nights later, Duo walked into the room he and Trowa had shared since the day of the beach. Sitting on the bed, Trowa looked up from the book he had been reading and smiled warmly, the smile disappearing when Duo didn’t move farther into the room. “What is it? Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, I guess,” he could hear how dull his words were, cursing himself for foolishly wishing for more time. “We need to get everything packed. Merick is at the doctor’s. He arrived earlier today.”
Trowa was off the bed in an instant, not to begin packing as he would have in the past, but to pull Duo into his arms. “Merick can wait until tomorrow, or the day after.”
Allowing only a moment to relish the way he was held, Duo stepped back with a shake of his head. “It won’t wait. It doesn’t look like he’s planning to stay. From what I could see, the doctor told him to stay the night and leave in the morning while it’s still dark. We need to be ready to move before then. Our vacation is over, Trowa.”
“No, it’s not, damnit. We can pack and get ready, but we still have tonight. I’m not expected back for a few more days. After we turn Merick in, we can go on a real vacation. It’ll be a short one, but - ”
“We can’t. We’ll take tonight, but once we turn Merick in, this is over.”
“Don’t say that, Duo. We’ll figure something out. Don’t say we’re over.”
The panic he heard had Duo lifting his head, stunned to see tears in the green eyes. While he wanted to say what Trowa wanted, he knew he had to stick to his resolve and stop what they were doing. “We both knew when this assignment was over, so were we. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves, Trowa. I can’t keep doing this. It hurts too much,” he admitted as tears began to flow from his eyes. “I can’t keep giving you pieces of myself when it’ll never go anywhere. What we’ve had here has been amazing, but I can’t do this anymore.”
He began to pull away but was tugged back, Trowa searching his eyes and finding what was written on his face. “Tell me, Duo.”
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me what I can see in your eyes. Tell me the damn truth.”
“I love you,” Duo whispered, afraid to say the words for some reason.
“Yet you can say we’re over? How can you do that?” the tall man hissed.
“I say we’re over because I love you,” he replied softly, realizing abruptly nothing could have prepared him for the agony in his heart. “Quatre loves you and needs you. He always has. I can’t be second, Trowa. I can’t stay with you waiting and hoping we’ll be able to steal some time to ourselves when it isn’t likely to happen. It will hurt both of us and Quatre to do that. You can’t be mine, not completely. I knew that and so did you. We have to accept what we have, what we had, is over.”
“You want everything to be like it was before? You want to forget any of this happened?”
“I’ll never forget. I don’t want to forget, because this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time, or it was. I have to move on and you have to go back to Quatre. I don’t want him hurt because of me.”
“What about me? Aren’t you worried about what I want?” the tall man demanded, eyes fierce.
Duo attempted a smile that hurt both physically and mentally, “After a few weeks or maybe a few months, you’ll forget about me and what happened here.”
“What about you, what will you do?”
Withdrawing from the room, Duo kept his eyes on Trowa as he shrugged, “I don’t know. Learn to live without you.”
They apprehended Benjamin Merick at four-eighteen in the morning, along with the doctor, who had tried to shoot Trowa with a stun-gun. With both brothers heavily manacled and in the back seat, Trowa drove them to headquarters without incident and little conversation.
By the time they had the men booked and sitting in separate detention cells, Quatre was in the building reception area waiting for Trowa. Duo watched for only a moment as the blonde walked to the tall man and began speaking before he forced himself to turn away, walking toward the elevators with a heavy heart. It was no more than he had expected; anytime Trowa was away for more than a few days the blonde somehow knew when they returned, though Duo had never seen his partner make a phone call.
In the office he had shared with Trowa for over three years, Duo sat at his computer and composed a quick email to Une, sending it without hesitating, knowing it was the best solution for himself and Trowa. Picking up the phone, he called a cab and went to retrieve his things from the Preventers sedan they had used for their assignment.
He had his hands full and was walking out of the building through the garage entrance when his name was called, making him grimace before he faced the blonde hurrying toward him. “We were looking for you, Duo,” Quatre stated with a smile. “Come with me and we’ll give you a ride home.”
Hoping his smile didn’t look as strained and fake as it felt, Duo shook his head, “I already called a cab, but thanks for the offer.” He wouldn’t get into a car with Quatre and Trowa even if he was being threatened with death.
“I think Trowa wanted to talk to you before you left,” the blonde gave him a baffled look. “Are you two getting along okay? He seems upset.”
Unable to meet the blue eyes watching him, Duo shrugged and kept his gaze on the ground, fascinated with the loose pieces of pavement at his feet. “We’re getting along fine. It’s just been a long week, Quatre. My cab should be here in a few minutes, so you guys enjoy the rest of the weekend. It’s pretty cool you have a full day off before getting back to work.”
“I suppose so. Duo…you’ll call if you need to talk?”
“Yeah, sure. You got it.” Duo hurried his steps, not stopping when he heard Trowa’s voice call his name out once he reached the sidewalk. Tossing his bags in the waiting cab, he shut the door behind him and quickly gave his address.
The driver pulled away from the curb, glancing worriedly in the mirror, “Sir, did you know a tall man was following you?”
“He’s my work partner. Anything he has to say can wait,” Duo replied somberly.
“Yep. Not like you won’t see him Monday morning. I like getting away from work as fast as I can, too,” the driver commented with a chuckle.
Duo nodded but said nothing as he thought of the resignation he had sent Une, remaining quiet as he got out of the car and paid the driver. At home, he unpacked his bag only to pack a smaller one, including enough clothes for a few days, knowing what he would need would already be where he was going. Less than twenty minutes later he was in the garage, strapping the bag to his bike. After making sure it was secure he took off down the street, hoping for time to come to terms with what he had done before anyone found him.
A knock on his door had Duo moving slowly toward it, surprised it had taken this long for someone to pay him a visit. Opening the door, he leaned on it casually, lifting an eyebrow at the man staring back at him. “Are you planning to invite me in?”
“That depends. Anyone else with you?”
A dark eyebrow lifted, lips curving in a smile, “I don’t need help to have a conversation with you, or a fight, if that’s what it comes to.”
“Since you put it that way…come on in, Wufei.” Stepping back, Duo allowed the other man inside, smirking when he saw the curious glance around the space. “Don’t worry. There’s no one hiding in the bathroom. I’m alone, just like always when I come up here.”
“Would you care to explain why you’re hiding in your cabin in the middle of nowhere when you should be at work?” the other man asked, perching on the end of the worn couch.
“I’m here because I needed to get away for a while and I’m not at work because I resigned.”
Wufei’s face set in a frown as he looked at the braided man, “Duo, you loved your job.”
“I know, but it was time for a change. I’m here because I needed some time to myself before I start trying to figure out what I’m going to do next.”
“None of that explains why you quit,” Wufei noted with a severe expression. “What happened between you and Trowa?”
Having expected the question, Duo was able to conceal his pain at the mention of the tall man. Leaning back in a chair, he let his leg hang over the arm and offered a shrug, “Not a thing. He’s great to work with and I hope he gets a good partner.”
“I don’t understand why you made such a decision, Duo,” Wufei frowned at him, tapping fingers on his knees. “Is there a reason you chose to quit so suddenly?’
“It wasn’t sudden. I thought about it for months before I turned in my resignation. I just need something different,” he replied, knowing he needed Trowa to be truly happy.
“Trowa didn’t do anything to make you want to leave?”
Duo frowned, sitting up and placing his feet on the floor, “I just said he didn’t. What’s going on, Wufei? The only time I’ve heard you repeat questions is during an interrogation. Is that what this is?”
“Not at all. I’m trying to make sense of everything that has happened. After a very successful assignment where you brought in a murderer and what we eventually discovered was his accomplice, you turn in your resignation without talking to anyone about it, including your partner, before you can even be included in the interrogations.”
“You make it sound like I’ve never done anything unexpected,” Duo chuckled, smirking when Wufei blinked at him. “You’re one of my closest friends, but there are some decisions I have to make on my own, Wufei. I didn’t tell Trowa I was going to leave because he would have tried to talk me out of it. That’s all.”
“I have to head home,” Wufei stood, though he was still watching the other man.
“You could stay for dinner,” suggested the American with a smile as he realized his friend was really concerned.
The offer seemed to soothe Wufei’s nerves and he gave an honest and rare smile, “I have to be at work early and you didn’t come here to entertain guests. The only time you come here is when you want to be alone.” Moving to the door, Wufei hesitated with his hand on the knob, “You don’t mind if I tell the others where you are, do you? Everyone has been worried and you aren’t answering your phone.”
“You can tell them. I’m not hiding. I just need some time. When I’m ready, I’ll call to let you know when I’m coming home and you can pass it on to everyone else, okay?”
“Do you know how much longer you will need?”
Duo rubbed the back of his head, “I don’t know. I have a lot of things to think about, Wufei.”
After Wufei left, Duo refused to dwell on the situation that had brought him here, to the cabin in the woods where he could be left alone for as long as he wanted with his heartache. After the war he had needed a haven where he could deal with the changes in his life, so had purchased the land and had built the small house with his own hands. Everyone that knew him well knew where he would be if he left without notice and most understood that even he needed to be alone at times.
Normally the time he spent there helped calm him when life got to be too much. While he was annoyed by the visit, he couldn’t be angry with Wufei for being concerned; Duo’s visits to the cabin had never lasted longer than a day or two. So far this visit had been a week and a half, his agony seeming to double with each day instead of fading.
His original hope was that putting distance between himself and Trowa would ease the unceasing ache, but he was quickly learning that wasn’t the case. He wanted badly just to see Trowa, yet had no intentions of going home until he knew for certain he could keep his feelings from everyone, especially his former partner. He was beginning to doubt he would ever be able to go home again.