INTO THE LIGHT – PART 6
Sitting under a large umbrella, Duo took a large bite of his sub. “What did you end up eating on your date, anyway?” he asked his companion.
“Braised leg of lamb,” Trowa shuddered, reaching for his cup. “I managed about two bites before I really thought about what I was eating. After that I stuck to vegetables and bread.”
“Why in the world would you order that?” Duo knew Trowa’s odd outlook on meat. The tall man was as close to a vegetarian as he could be without being a vegetarian. Beef was okay since cows were raised for that purpose, but anything else was unacceptable, unless Trowa was extremely hungry and hadn’t eaten in a long time. Occasionally, Duo could talk him into some bacon, but anything else was impossible.
Rolling his eyes, Trowa picked up the remainder of his sub. “I didn’t order it. For some reason, Josh assumed I would like someone to order for me. He said I needed someone to take charge of my life.”
Do couldn’t control the spate of giggles that escaped him. “I swear I didn’t say that to him. I gave him some tips on conversation topics, that’s all.”
“I don’t think he paid attention to your advice. By the end of dinner I had realized you were right. He really is an ass. Still, I probably shouldn’t have punched him. He’ll have a hell of a time explaining a black eye to his clients.”
Already half out of his seat, Duo sucked in air, fueling his anger. “What did he do to you?”
Trowa idly reached over and shoved Duo back onto his seat. “He didn’t do anything to me. He had some very unpleasant things to say about you and I didn’t appreciate his opinion.”
Anger gone abruptly, Duo blinked, “Oh, well, thanks for upholding the honor of such a simple person.”
A hand grabbed his suddenly, only to let go immediately. Trowa was blushing when Duo looked at him with a lifted eyebrow, but his words were fierce. “You are many things, Duo. Simple is not one of them. If people like Josh can’t see what an amazing person you are because of what you do, that’s their loss. You should never let someone make you feel like less than you are.”
“What exactly am I, Trowa? I’m just a carpenter.”
“You are a man that would give everything to his friends if it was asked of him, a man that is loyal and honest. You defended the world not because it was expected of you, but because it was the right thing to do. You survived when no one thought you would. You’re the strongest person I know. As for you being a carpenter, one of the tables you made less than a month ago was bought by a queen, along with a set of chairs she specifically ordered from you. How many other people can say they’re furniture has a royal ass sitting in it?”
The last line was delivered with a straight face and Duo gaped for several seconds before tossing his head back and laughing, cheered not by the assurances but by Trowa’s belief in him, something that hadn’t wavered in two years. Wiping tears from his eyes, he gave the other man a smile, “Thanks. I guess I needed to hear that.”
“Anytime. You finished?”
“Yep,” he replied, gathering his trash.
“I’ll throw this stuff away,” Trowa took the empty wrappers and went to the trash bins, leaving Duo at the table.
As the other man moved smoothly in order to avoid a family that pushed the door open and almost ran over him, Duo really watched, seeing Trowa in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to before. It had been undeniable Trowa was attractive, but it had been an objective observation. Paying more attention to the lean muscles of Trowa’s forearms, Duo swallowed hard. Moving his focus to the long legs almost made his mouth water. A careful scrutiny of the man’s features had him abruptly recalling the way Trowa had looked earlier, leading him to remember the flavor that had filled his senses during a kiss.
Green eyes that had been passionate and tender were suddenly less than a foot away, obviously worried. “Are you all right? What happened?”
“Nothing. Just thinking,” he rasped through a throat that was inexplicably dry.
“It couldn’t have been anything good.”
“I was thinking about earlier.” From the corner of his eye, he saw the way Trowa’s shoulders slumped. Grabbing Trowa’s hand, he yanked the other man onto the seat beside him and placed that hand over the erection straining his jeans. “It wasn’t bad,” he repeated firmly. “Caught me off guard, but definitely not bad.”
When the other man’s hand moved against him, Duo barely stifled a moan, making a noise of loss when Trowa pulled away. “You feel like skipping the museum?” he asked hopefully, already knowing the answer.
“I feel like skipping it, but we aren’t going to. We both need time to sort things out, Duo. This is too fast.”
“Doesn’t feel like it,” he muttered as he got up and followed the tall man, glad he had worn a long t-shirt. “It feels like I want more than you do.”
Trowa’s head was straight ahead, not even glancing at him. “You can’t begin to imagine how much I want, Duo. That’s why we have to go slow. I don’t know if I can take it if you suddenly decide you can’t do this. You have to be completely sure.” He took a deep breath and finally gave Duo a quick smile, “I’m also scared I’ll lose control. It’s difficult to have what you want right in front of you and not act on it.”
“That’s what you’ve been doing for two years,” mused Duo, wondering if he could have done the same. “What’s so different?”
“There
was no possibility before. I was
resigned to being a friend and happy with that.
Now, there’s a chance we could be more.
It makes it easier and harder at the same time.”
“Easier because we have a chance but harder because you have to wait until I’m sure?” It was no wonder he loved this man; it was impossible not to. He kept the realization to himself though he wanted to grin like a moron. “My biggest problem, other than getting past…what happened…is having to admit I’m gay.”
“Did you ever consider you’re bisexual? I’m assuming you were attracted to all of those women.”
The reminder had the braided man turning bright red all the way to his ears. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he mumbled, “Most of ‘em. Bisexual, huh? I guess that makes sense, or it would if I’d ever been attracted to any other men.”
Trowa stopped abruptly and glared at Duo. “I am not a woman.”
“I figured that out all by myself, Trowa. If I hadn’t, I sure would have figured it out this morning when I had your dick in my hand,” he grinned when the other man’s face turned crimson. Lowering his voice when some people walked past, he stepped close enough to Trowa so the other man’s heat enveloped him. “I don’t think there’s anything feminine about you at all. It doesn’t change the fact that you’re the only man I’ve looked at that way.”
“What way would that be?”
“As a future lover,” Duo told him bluntly.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Trowa looked across the road, where the museum waited. “You mean possible lover.”
“There’s no possible to it. We will become lovers, sooner or later. I know that and I accept it.”
Bright green eyes swung to his, obviously stunned at how confident he was. “Sooner or later. I vote for later. You still haven’t had to face what was done to you.”
Aware they were talking of his rape, Duo nodded slowly. “I must’ve blocked it out this morning. I didn’t think about it at all. If we had been more…involved, I might have.” He hesitated a moment, debating on what to say. With a sigh, he touched Trowa’s arm lightly. “You haven’t faced what happened to you, either.”
It had been a long time since he had seen Trowa completely shut down. The non-expression was actually painful to experience, the void in Trowa’s eyes frightening. As Duo recoiled from the dead look, he grasped abruptly that Trowa had the power to hurt him, worse than anything ever had before.
The tall man must have realized what he had done because he sighed heavily; reaching briefly for Duo before letting his arms fall to his sides. “Christ, Duo, I’m sorry. I know there are certain aspects I haven’t dealt with. It’s more complicated than you know and not something I want to discuss here.”
“You don’t want to discuss it here, or with me?”
“Damn it, it’s not like that.” The frustration Trowa felt was clearly written across his features. “I’ve never talked about it, not to anyone.”
Unbelievably hurt, Duo backed up a step, “Were you going to talk to me about it?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry, but I really don’t. I’ve dealt with most of the aftermath. I don’t understand why one little thing is causing such a problem. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You almost bit through your own lip this morning to keep from making noise, but you don’t think it’s a big deal. You keep hinting at me being in denial about what I feel and how I think, but you’re no better. You seem to believe you’re perfectly fine, but you’re not. You keep this to yourself, yet you know everything that happened to me.”
“Do you honestly believe you should have to deal with your own shit and mine too? I don’t want you to have my past in your head. Yours is bad enough, Duo.”
Realizing Trowa had been trying to protect him, not hurt him, Duo slung his arms around the slender waist and held on, ignoring the curious stares of passers-by. When Trowa held on to him, it was with a desperation he could barely comprehend. Tilting his face up, Duo whispered against the other man’s skin, “I want to help you get past this. Can you understand why I feel that way?”
“I would want to do the same for you.”
Looking up, Duo waited until green eyes met his, “Because you love me.”
“Yes.”
Knowing what it had taken to admit that, Duo sighed and let his head rest on the strong chest for a moment, basking in the warmth. “Then you’ll let me help you, but not now. Now, we’ll enjoy the museum. When we get home, we’ll see what we can do about your past.”
“If you insist.”
“I do.” Pulling away, Duo gave the tall man a smile, “Let’s go look at some shipwrecks.”
Taking their time, they spent hours looking through the new displays before wandering to the regular exhibits, pointing out their favorite bits of history. Halfway through the aviation wing, Duo heard a voice calling his name. He was tempted to ignore it when Trowa snorted, “It’s bound to happen, Duo. You’ve dated half the available women in the city and some that weren’t available.”
Taking a second to stick his tongue out at Trowa, Duo smiled and waved at the woman hurrying across the floor toward them. His smile was frozen as he searched his mind for her name, only to come up blank. “Candace. Assistant curator here,” supplied Trowa helpfully.
“The fact that you can remember that and I don’t is really pathetic and says a lot of bad things about me.”
“Not a lot of bad things. Maybe it just means you were looking for something.”
“And maybe that something was right in front of me the whole time.”
There wasn’t time for Trowa to respond, though the expression on his face said he wanted to as Candace came up and bussed his cheek, tottering on needle-thin heels. “Oh my gosh, it’s good to see you again, Duo. You too, Trowa. How have you both been?”
The enthusiastic greeting surprised Duo, only because it addressed both of them. Trowa gave a vague response before excusing himself politely, giving the brunette woman a nod of apology. Duo watched the tall man walk away from them, freshly stunned by the lithe grace he hadn’t paid attention to before.
Hearing a giggle, he turned his focus back to Candace, face burning from being caught ogling his roommate. “So, how have you been?” he asked in an attempt to divert her attention.
“Not as good as you, I daresay.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled, revealing brilliantly white teeth. Duo had the absent thought that even though Candace had had private schooling and came from a wealthy family, she wasn’t a jerk like Josh. It was odd the way people from the same circumstances could turn out so different. “You can’t hide how you feel about him, sweetie. It’s right there in your eyes for anyone that cares to look.”
Scratching the back of his head, he winced, “I’m really sorry, Candace.”
“For what? I wasn’t really surprised when you stopped calling.”
“You weren’t?”
“Duo, you spent a large amount of time while you were with me going on about your roommate and what a great person he was. All you had to do was look at him and see he wanted to share more than a house with you.” Her nose wrinkled as she touched his arm, “You didn’t realize you liked him liked him right after we dated, did you?”
“It’s something I just recently figured out and I’d decided to stop dating for a while.” Her reaction was amusing and he was thankful he had gotten to know Candace, if only briefly. Things would have been much more awkward if they had actually slept together.
“How recent?”
“Umm, yesterday?”
Shaking her head, Candace looked over to where Trowa was standing perfectly still, hands tucked loosely into his pockets as he studied a small reproduction of Heavyarms. “Poor Trowa,” she mused. “He must be so confused right now.”
“Him? What about me?”
“You’re right. You probably are a tad confused by the way things turned out, but Trowa…has he ever dated?”
“Once since I moved in,” Duo curled up his nose at the memory of Josh.
“Didn’t that feel strange to you at all? I mean, weren’t you a little jealous?”
“More than a little,” he admitted sheepishly, rubbing the cut on his head, thankfully covered by his bangs.
“Think of how Trowa felt every time he had to greet one of your dates at the house, because I know I wasn’t the only one. How hard was it for him to be polite and charming when he most likely felt like shooting every one of us? I know he was nice to me the few times we met. I couldn’t have been so…noble, I guess.”
Letting that stew, Duo vowed to make it up to Trowa somehow. He really had been an inconsiderate ass for two years. “Can I ask your advice about something, Candace?”
“Of course. I hope we’re friends, at the very least,” she replied honestly, her hazel eyes revealing her sincerity.
“If your…boyfriend…Man, that’s weird to say,” he shook his head as she laughed, then focused on what he was trying to phrase. “If your boyfriend was keeping something about his past a secret, would you make him tell you?”
Tapping a manicured finger on her chin, she frowned, “I guess it would depend on whether or not it caused problems between us or kept us from being happy.”
The comment made so much sense he pulled her into a hug, smiling when she laughed with delight. “Thanks, a lot, for understanding.”
“There wasn’t much to understand. Some things are simply meant to be. You’re a lucky guy, Duo. If I had someone like that who loved me so much, I’d hold on and never let go.”
Returning her smile, he came up with a weird idea, “Maybe sometime we could all hang out, a double date sort of thing.”
“I’d like that very much. I’ll call you when I manage to find someone special.” She suddenly wrinkled her nose, then snorted a laugh at odds with her feminine attire, “Then again, if I wait for that, I may never call. Maybe I’ll have you two over for dinner sometime.”
“That would be great,” he said, really meaning it.
After a few more minutes of talk, they said good-bye, promising to get together soon. Going to Trowa, Duo smiled as he touched the other man’s arm, not casually, but not enough to attract anyone else’s attention. “She wasn’t really surprised we’re together.”
Trowa nodded, looking in the direction of the woman walking away, “She seemed perceptive. I actually liked her. For a while, I thought you would stay with her.”
Fondly remembering his dates with the brunette that was low maintenance despite her privileged background, Duo shrugged, “We always had a lot of fun, but it was like hanging out with a friend. We never slept together, Trowa.” When the other man lifted his eyebrows, the long-haired man rolled his eyes, pulling Trowa’s arm so they continued through the displays. “There were a lot of women I didn’t sleep with, you know. I only slept with a few of them. I didn’t want to sleep with most of the ones I actually slept with,” he admitted.
“Then why did you? You weren’t attracted to them?” Trowa asked curiously.
The lack of accusation in the other man’s voice helped Duo to admit what he wouldn’t have confessed before. “I wanted to prove to myself I was still a man, you know, after what happened. It was the easiest way to do that, I suppose. Most of the dates I went on, we would flirt or spend time together without going to bed.” Looking at his feet, he could feel his face burn, “I just wanted you to know that; I’m not a total slut or anything.”
“I never thought that about you, Duo. Like I said before, you were looking for something and doing it the only way you knew how.” Trowa smiled, letting their hands touch for a moment. “I didn’t think you could have slept with all the women you dated. Not even you have that much energy, Duo.”
Shaking his head, Duo laughed lightly. “She wanted to know if we would like to go to her house sometime for dinner. She’s a really good cook.”
“I wouldn’t mind, as long as she promises not to put a poor lamb in her food,” the tall man shuddered in revulsion.
“She’s a vegetarian, Trowa.”
“That sounds fine. I like her, Duo. She seems like a nice person.” Coming to the end of the displays, Trowa lifted a hand toward Duo, only to let it fall again. “We’ll call her and invite her to dinner sometime. Are you ready to go home? All this talk of food is making me hungry. I’ll cook,” he offered with a smile.
Fluttering his eyelashes, Duo peered up at the other man, “Will you promise not to make braised leg of lamb?”
“I can assure you a lamb’s body parts will never enter our kitchen.”