INTO THE LIGHT – PART 7
He didn’t bring up Trowa’s past that night, or the one after that. As a matter of fact, he didn’t mention it at all for three months, until he was able to work out the perfect plan.
One Friday afternoon, he left work early. Working for himself meant he didn’t have to check with anyone else before leaving, but he normally didn’t skip work for any reason. Trowa was the only thing he had found important enough to miss work for, so he said goodbye to the two people that worked for him and made a stop at the grocery store on the way home.
An hour after leaving the warehouse his carpentry business was set up in, he was standing in the center of his and Trowa’s kitchen, following the meticulous directions Candace had been kind enough to write down for him. After eating with her several times, he knew Trowa liked most of the dishes she prepared and the tall man had softly praised her macaroni casserole. As a result, Duo carefully fixed the dish, and though it took him almost an hour of work, he was finally putting the finishing touches on the casserole, pleased with his work.
The doorbell rang as he was putting it in the oven and he rushed to the door, glad to find his friend had arrived on time. Jerking the door open, he reached out and grabbed the blonde, pulling him inside and receiving a squeal of surprise. “Duo? Is there a fire or something? Am I late? You told me to be here by four, right?” Quatre asked as he was drug to the kitchen.
Hoping the other man didn’t let him down of this most important of occasions, Duo pointed at the stove, “What wine would go best with that?”
Quatre stared at him for a minute, obviously debating if he’d lost his mind. With a shrug, the blonde opened the oven and stared, “A good red is what I would drink with most pasta, but I have to say a white would enhance the other flavors better. Does that help?” he inquired, shutting the oven door.
Pulling his own braid in frustration, Duo shook his head, “Not at all. I need to know exactly what wine, Quatre. I don’t know the first thing about them. You should know that!” he shouted more from his own inability to learn than actual anger.
“Okay. Hold on.” Cell phone in hand, Quatre quickly dialed, “Rashid, I need you to get a bottle of wine out of stock for me and bring it to Duo and Trowa’s house. A bottle of the Biltmore ’02, please. I assume it needs to be here rather quickly. Thanks, Rashid.” Sliding the phone into his pocket, a blonde eyebrow arched, “Is that better?”
“You have no idea,” Duo gushed, trying to figure out how to roll a croissant. “You may have saved the whole night.”
“Have a big date tonight?” Quatre asked, pushing Duo aside. Since the end of the war, the blonde had grown taller than Duo, a fact Duo despised and Quatre gloated about.
Still cautious about what he shared with the other three pilots, Duo replied softly, “Something like that.”
“You finally realized how he feels about you?” the query was soft, with no anger.
Since he and Trowa had kept their blossoming romance to themselves, Duo shrugged, “I finally realized how I felt about him.”
“Well, I’m very happy for both of you.”
Recalling what Heero had told him, Duo frowned, “Are you really?”
Blue eyes met his, “I am.” After a moment, the blonde sighed heavily, turning back to the rolls, “What happened between me and Trowa was my fault, though I placed blame at his feet for a while. I felt hurt and did a stupid thing because of it. I felt so guilty later after realizing I should have listened to him.”
“What did he say to you?” Duo edged closer, trying to see what Quatre was doing with the rolls so he could do it himself next time.
There was a slight blush on the pale face as Quatre placed some of the dough in front of Duo, going through the motions slowly so the long-haired man could copy him. “Start with the big end. I thought you knew what happened.”
“Heero just told me Trowa…” Duo shrugged, uncomfortable.
“Turned me down? He did, but not so bluntly. He told me we were nothing alike and never would be. Our worlds were so far apart; I couldn’t see it then, but he was right. He could never fit into my world and I couldn’t fit into his. It wouldn’t have taken long before we despised each other.” Quatre took the finished rolls and set them on a pan Duo had set out. “You and Trowa are like pieces of a puzzle. You can stand on your own without help, but together you are larger, stronger,” he said as he washed his hands.
“That sounds like a good theory,” Duo commented, not at all sure about the other man’s description.
The smile Quatre beamed at him would have been dangerous; if he had been any closer, Duo could have been blinded by the high wattage. “It is a good thing, Duo. You’re both so strong, more than the rest of us. If you ended up with someone else, you’d be terrified you’d run all over them so you would give in to every little thing.” The smile toned down a bit, growing wistful. “You and Trowa aren’t afraid to really talk to each other and argue if it comes to that. I’ve seen you do it before. I wish I could be more like you.”
Stunned at the confession, he gaped, “Why? You have everything you could ever want.”
“Material things, yes. Someone to share those things with that isn’t after my money? No. Even after being completely left alone by us, you pushed forward with your life. I don’t think I could have done it. I have to have someone there, supporting me the way Heero, Trowa, and Wufei did.”
“What happened to all of us, Quatre? Heero used to be my best friend. Trowa used to be yours. Wufei…was like my brother. How did we get to this point?”
“The sad, simple truth is that Heero, Wufei, and I let ourselves believe we were more important than anyone else. I’ll never be able to make up for the things I didn’t do, Duo. I hope I would have answered the phone if I had been home, but I hate to admit I probably wouldn’t have. At the time I thought you had the life the rest of us wanted. How can I begin to make up for what I’ve done?”
It was the first time any of the three had taken the responsibility on themselves. Before, they had fallen back on ‘we’ or ‘us’. Never once had one of them used the word ‘I’. Duo realized that difference began to make it easier to forgive Quatre, for the things the blonde had done to both him and Trowa.
Pulling the blonde into a hug, Duo told him honestly, “I think you’ve already started. I do have another question, though.”
“Ask me anything.”
“I didn’t know you were attracted to men. Are you gay or what?”
“I don’t know. Trowa was the only man I ever considered attractive, but I had never actually thought about being intimate. I don’t know if I could do that with another man. I think my fascination with him was more from association than real emotions. Does that answer your question?”
“I think so. You looked up to him and wanted to be closer, but you’re actually attracted to women.”
Quatre blinked, “Exactly. Now is there anything else I need to help with here? I would feel a little bit better if I can help things go smoothly.”
Duo was about to say no when he glanced at the clock. “Oh, damn! Trowa’s gonna be home in less than an hour and I haven’t gotten started on dessert yet.”
“What were you hoping to make?”
“Chocolate pie. It’s one of his favorites and the only way he’ll eat chocolate.” Duo grabbed the directions, again from Candace, and began pulling items out of the bag of groceries.
“How much more time do you need?”
Calculating quickly, Duo groaned, “At least an hour and a half if I don’t take a shower. If I skip the shower, an hour, tops.”
“What if I start the pie while you take a shower?”
“That still leaves me running behind,” groused Duo, seeing his perfect evening disappearing.
Holding up a finger, Quatre used his phone again, “Heero, Duo and I need you to keep Trowa there for another hour. I don’t care how you do it, just do it, okay? Bye.” Mission accomplished, Quatre rubbed his hands together and took the recipe from Duo’s lax fingers. When Duo didn’t move, he lifted an eyebrow. “What are you waiting for? Go take a shower.”
With Quatre’s help, Duo had dinner and desert ready, and the kitchen cleaned, before he heard the front door open. As the blonde snuck out the back door, Duo went to greet his roommate in hopes of distracting Trowa so Quatre could make his escape.
Duo could barely hear Trowa’s movements as he emptied his pockets onto the small table by the door. Standing at the end of the hall, Duo simply watched the other man move, remembering Quatre’s words about how he and Trowa could really talk to each other. In that instant, he changed his plans, reworking them toward a new agenda.
He crossed the room, halfway to Trowa by the time the tall man looked up. “I’m sorry I’m late. Heero had some paperwork he was behind in and asked me to help out. I didn’t want to say no and…” his words disappeared into oblivion when Duo reached him and pulled him down for a thorough kiss, something he had never done in way of greeting.
Since that first day, their contact had been limited, as if by unspoken agreement. They were still together, but kisses had been short and light, touches had been limited to a brush of a hand over a back, or with Duo lying with his head in Trowa’s lap while they watched television in the evening. Sleep had taken place in separate beds, in separate rooms. Duo didn’t know why Trowa had taken a step back. For him, he was afraid of pushing the other man too close to temptation, not wanting to torture Trowa anymore than he already had.
The sound Trowa made deep in his throat had a chill racing up Duo’s spine. Fingers were deep in his unbound hair when he came up for air, eyes drifting lazily open. Seeing the hunger in the green gaze focused on him, Duo felt the breath stutter from his lungs. “Again, please?” Trowa whispered.
Answering the tall man’s soft request was the easiest thing in the world. He didn’t know how long it was before they broke apart, Trowa burying his nose in the side of Duo’s neck. Acknowledging it felt right to be within the other man’s arms, Duo let his eyes close and enjoyed the sensation of being held.
After a deep breath, Trowa spoke quietly without moving his head, “Something smells good.”
“That would be supper.”
“That would be you.”
Flattered, Duo took Trowa’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen. “I know it’s a little early for dinner, but...” he trailed off and grinned at the stunned expression on the tall man’s face, staring at the table. “Surprise?”
“Is there a special occasion I forgot?”
“I wanted to do something for you.”
The smile that lit Trowa’s face was awed, “You did this for me?”
“I thought it was about time I did something for you after all you’ve done for me.” Duo led Trowa to his usual chair and served him a heaping scoop of the casserole. Getting the wine from the ice bucket Rashid had brought, he poured a liberal amount into both glasses, not forgetting two small glasses of water Quatre had directed him to serve. “Heero was supposed to keep you busy for a little longer so I could get this ready.”
“Is this why Quatre was sneaking through the bushes beside the house?”
Duo’s face reddened, “I swear he used to be sneakier. Must be rusty. Maybe it’s because he’s taller now.”
“I appreciate this, but you know it wasn’t necessary.”
Taking his own seat, Duo took Trowa’s hand in his own, threading their fingers. When the other man stared at their hands in surprise, he reflected that he hadn’t made enough of an effort as far as his roommate and future lover was concerned. “I know it wasn’t necessary. I wanted to do this.”
Trowa took a sip of the wine, eyes widening, “This isn’t one of mine.”
“I got some help from Quatre on the wine, as well as the food. Is it okay?”
“It’s perfect. Everything is perfect.”
After an experimental sip of his own, Duo gave his glass a shocked look, “That’s actually not bad.”
They ate dinner slowly, each talking about their day. Duo froze when Trowa casually mentioned, “Une has asked if you would be willing to work for the Preventers.”
“Why would she ask that?”
“You used to pilot one of the most powerful mobile suits in the universe, Duo, and were extremely good at it. She likely hopes to get you on the team.”
Considering the idea only took a moment before he was shaking his head, “I really don’t want to work for her. She scares the hell out of me. Besides, I like what I’m doing now. I might have to add another person to the crew soon. We have so many orders coming in we can barely keep up.”
“I told her I would mention it and I have.”
Duo chewed his food thoughtfully, “Would you want me to work there? We’d see each other more often.”
“While that would be nice, I want you to do what makes you happy.” Trowa rolled his wineglass between his hands for a moment, having released Duo’s hand to eat dinner. “There is another option.”
“Do tell.”
“You could work as an advisor. That’s what Quatre does. When we have a case that involves aspects he’s more familiar with, he comes in to give us details we wouldn’t know otherwise.”
“That wouldn’t do any good. I don’t know anything you guys don’t.”
Trowa set his glass down and took Duo’s hand again, kissing the back of it lightly. The absent move had Duo’s heart turning into a pile of goo. “That’s not true. A number of cases originate with the colonies. No one knows L2 better than you do. Your knowledge would be invaluable.”
“That doesn’t sound bad. Still, having to work with Une…” he shuddered, recalling the way the woman had coldly ordered his execution. He knew she was different now, but he couldn’t forget that occurrence.
“You would work with me, Heero, and Wufei. The only time you would have to deal with Une would be during a briefing and you might not even have to be there for those.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to talk me into it,” he commented after Trowa finished.
A blush spread across Trowa’s cheeks, “It would be nice to work with you again. We didn’t get that many chances before.”
Touched, Duo smiled, wondering how he had been so lucky. “I’ll think about it,” he promised. “Save room for dessert.”
“Excellent food, great wine, and now dessert, too? Are you trying to soften me up for something?” Trowa teased.
Putting their supper plates in the sink, Duo retrieved the pie from the fridge. Cutting off two pieces, he transferred them to small plates and sat back down. “Honestly, that was my original plan. Get you nice and relaxed so you would talk to me.”
“Was? It isn’t your plan anymore?”
He could see and hear the hurt he caused, immediately sorry for trying to manipulate the tall man. “Not anymore. I wanted you to talk to me, Trowa. It wasn’t until someone pointed out how lucky I am that I realized I shouldn’t try to make you talk to me. And I trust you will talk to me, when you’re ready.”
“Duo, I’m not trying to hide things from you. It’s not something I want to think about.”
Abandoning his own chair, Duo slid into Trowa’s lap and wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck. “I know and I finally get it. I’ll have to be patient and wait for you to be ready. Will you promise to talk to me at some point?”
“I swear I’ll tell you everything, okay?” Trowa let their foreheads touch before pulling back with a smile, “So what is for dessert? I didn’t get a chance to see.”
“Chocolate pie. Your favorite.”
The pie received rave reviews, even after Duo admitted Quatre put it together. Trowa assured him it was made special by the fact that Duo even knew what his favorite dessert was. After dinner, they moved to the living room, where they watched TV for a while. Summoning his courage, Duo gazed up at the other man from where his head rested in Trowa’s lap. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
Trowa’s hand stuttered to a halt where it was stroking Duo’s hair, understanding what wasn’t being said. “I don’t want you doing anything because you feel you have to.”
Climbing onto the other man’s lap, Duo pressed a soft kiss to Trowa’s mouth, tasting the lingering flavor of the wine Trowa had brought to the couch with him and had continued to drink. “A lot of the women I dated said I wasn’t an affectionate person. They said I was incapable of giving them the attention they wanted.”
Looking pointedly at where Duo was perched in his lap, Trowa snorted, “I have to argue with that opinion. From where I’m sitting, they were obviously wrong.”
“That’s the thing. They weren’t wrong, Trowa. Not that I couldn’t be affectionate, I just didn’t want to be. When I’m with you, it’s different. I want to touch you and kiss you. I want you to do the same things to me without worrying I’ll reject you.” When Trowa blushed, Duo nodded, “I’ve noticed how you’ll reach for me, only to pull your hands back. I need you to touch me when you want to. I need to feel you, in every way. I can’t promise I won’t freeze, but you’ll get me through it. You’re the only one that can, the only one I want.”
“Duo, it’s only been a few months since things changed between us.”
“It’s been a few years since things began to change. Do you trust me to know this is what I need to feel whole?”
“You need to have sex to feel whole?” the notion seemed to insult Trowa.
Smiling gently, Duo rubbed his fingers on the back of Trowa’s neck, feeling the tense muscles there, “I need you. Just like I always have.”