Disclaimers and warnings in first part
The evening ended with a cookout, a kind of going away party for Trowa, with many of their friends showing up to wish the tall man well. Grateful for the ability to hide his sadness, Duo greeted his unexpected guests with faux enthusiasm, though to him he felt his laughter was too shrill and his voice too loud.
Manning the grill, he looked at Trowa, smiling at something Wufei said on the other side of the yard. At his side, Heero must have guessed something was wrong, “What is it?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. It’s really good to see everyone together again after all this time,” he added in a rush to distract the other man.
“It is. We should do something like this again soon. I know you spend time with Wufei and Sally and Hilde’s family, but we should make more of an effort to see each other.”
Barely controlling the grimace, Duo gave a pained smile, focusing his eyes on the grill again, “We’ll have to do it without Trowa, since he’s leaving.”
“He’ll be back soon,” Heero said firmly. “He wouldn’t stay away from you for long, now that you’re together again. I spoke to him during his last tour and he said he missed you a great deal.”
“We aren’t together and he’s going to be gone for eight years. I don’t know if he’ll come back at all after that.”
“Are you okay with that?”
Duo turned to his friend with a tense smile, only to have it met with a lift of eyebrows. Letting the smile fade away, he gave a shrug as he turned over burgers and chicken. “It’s his choice. He doesn’t want to stay.”
“You’re just going to let him leave? That’s not like you, Duo. You’ve never given up anything without a fight before,” Heero frowned.
Voice lowered so there was no chance of anyone overhearing him, Duo told the other man what he had recently realized, “He’s never said he cared about me, Heero. Not when we were together before and not now. He’s said he missed me, but he has never said that he cares. Why should I fight for someone that won’t even admit he feels anything for me?”
After a long moment, during which Duo glanced around to see that everyone was having a good time, Heero spoke, just as quietly as Duo had before, “Then you have to stop waiting for him.”
“I never waited for him after I realized he wasn’t coming back, Heero,” the long-haired man stated firmly as he put several burgers on a platter then got another one for the chicken. “I dated, didn’t I?”
“You dated and as soon as it started to look like the relationship was progressing into something serious, you ran.”
With nothing else to say, Duo told Heero the same thing he had told Trowa earlier in the day, “It didn’t feel right, Heero. No one else could fit. It wasn’t comfortable.”
“Why not?”
“Because they weren’t Trowa,” he hissed, shocking himself. Turning, he scanned the yard, “Wufei, can you take over for me for a few minutes? I need to check on something.”
Dark eyes studied him as Wufei took the spatula, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just don’t trust Heero with food and fire together. I’ll be right back.”
He managed a normal pace as he walked around the house, ignoring the curious stares he received. As soon as he was alone, he dashed the rest of the way to his workshop, searching for the box he kept high on a shelf… one that he hadn’t thought of for a long time. Hearing footsteps coming up the walkway, he shoved it behind his back.
“What’s going on, Duo?”
Breathing a sigh of relief, he found the key on his key ring and tossed it to Hilde. “Keep this for me for a while, will ya? Just until I’m…okay with all of this.” Seeing the sympathy and understanding on her face, he sat on the bench. “I’m gonna fall apart, Hil. I’m already falling apart and he hasn’t even left yet. I don’t want to do something stupid.”
Her arms wrapped around him as she sat next to him, pulling him so he leaned on her shoulder, much stronger than it seemed. “You can live without him if you want to, Duo.”
“But I don’t want to,” he whispered, close to breaking down. “I don’t want to live without him anymore. After seeing him here, in my house, in my kitchen in the morning, I don’t know if I can.”
“If he won’t stay, why don’t you go with him?”
Duo’s surprise was so great that he lifted his head to frown at her. “Huh?”
“Ships like the Hydra operate like Sweeper ships, just on a bigger scale. As long as you have the experience, they’ll let you on board for a trial period. When you prove you can do the job, you get offered a contract. If Trowa won’t stay and you want to be with him, sign on as temporary crew.”
“What about the store and the hand-made orders? What about my house?” he asked, seriously considering the option.
“Morgan can take care of the store while you’re gone, just like she does now. You can still make some of the toys and let Kieran make the rest, then ship them here or directly to the customer. Kieran and I could look after your house; you could even rent it out while you’re away. If you weren’t so confused, you would have thought of this already. Trowa has you all messed up,” she noted wryly.
The idea was more than a little tempting, but Duo ultimately shook his head. “If he doesn’t want me, I’d look like a fool and be stuck on a ship with him for months before I could get off. Not a good idea.”
“Doesn’t want you?” Hilde snorted. “I had to get Kieran to run interference so I could get back here before him. He damn near ran poor Quatre over trying to follow you. If he won’t stay, it’s not because he doesn’t want you, Duo. I’d give anything to have Kieran look at me the way he looks at you even though I know that big lug loves me. Trowa looks at you like you’re…everything.”
Seeming to realize he needed a moment alone, she kissed him on the cheek and stood, putting the keys in her pocket. “I’ll run this over to the house and then tell everyone you’re checking to make sure you didn’t forget to send off something. It’s a good excuse since you had your brain rattled a few days ago. It won’t give you long so you better hurry and pull yourself together,” she warned. “Trowa might wait for a few minutes before coming out here, but you won’t have long.”
Putting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes and hoped to calm his racing heartbeat, unsure what to do any longer. A hand on his knee had him sighing tiredly, “I’ll be fine, Hil. I just need another second.”
“I’m certain she’ll be glad to know that,” Trowa said, his tone worried.
Jerking his head up, Duo gaped at the man crouched in front of him, glad the Hilde had taken the metal lock-box with her. “”What are you doing here?”
“I don’t leave until later tonight, Duo.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” the braided man noted sarcastically. “It’s not like I can forget, you know. I mean why are you in here? You’re supposed to be seeing everyone else.”
“Seeing you is more important,” Trowa almost whispered, only to jerk his hand away and stand. “I was worried. I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“I’ll be okay eventually, I hope.” Wanting to feel that fleeting touch again, Duo decided he was pathetic. That didn’t stop him from reaching up and touching Trowa’s face gently. “You ready to eat? It shouldn’t be much longer,” he added, letting his hand fall to his side. Forcing a smile that threatened to make his face crack, he shrugged, “Heero is probably ready to fight Wufei for the spatula and we don’t want him near our food.”
“Is his cooking worse than yours?”
The insult had Duo giving a snort, “My cooking just tastes bad. Heero’s is always burnt to a crisp.”