Waking slowly I glance at the clock beside the bed. It’s almost four in the morning. We didn’t get back to Duo’s apartment until after twelve and surprised ourselves by going after each other with more desire than before. Now wide awake, I watch him sleep, wondering if I made the right choice for him…or for myself.
Even with the mystery of where Duo was going solved, I don’t feel that itch to get moving, to find and see somewhere new. In fact, the yearning I feel to stay right where I am concerns me. The urge I have to wake him is stronger than anything I ever experienced with Quatre. I don’t just want sex, although that is a large part of it, but I want to speak to him more, learn what I can about him.
I get up and go to the bathroom to get dressed, making as little noise as possible as I retrieve my bag and make certain everything is in it, depressed for the first time that I can carry my whole life in a single duffel bag. It’s only after I zip it closed that I feel his eyes on me. For a minute, it’s tempting to walk away without revealing I know he’s awake and I consider it because I’m afraid in a way I haven’t been in years.
I’m afraid he’ll ask me to stay and at the same time…I’m afraid he won’t.
Calling myself a coward I sit on the bed beside him, meeting his eyes and finding them clear, no hint of sleep lingering in them. “You’re leaving now?” he asks softly, like I’ll disappear if he speaks too loud.
I nod, trying to sort out what I want to say. “It’s time, Duo. I stayed longer than I intended in the first place.”
“Trowa, you don’t have to explain. I knew you’d leave after last night. I’m actually surprised I woke up in time to see you before you left.” His smile is sad, “Guess I got used to you sleeping beside me.”
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me as I touch his hair lightly, spread out across the pillow. It had come loose after we had come back to his apartment and I had enjoyed running my hands through it. I know how screwed up in the head I am when the thought of leaving is just as painful as the idea of staying. “Duo, I don’t…”
“It’s okay. I understand, you know. There are times when this life strangles me to death; I just don’t have anywhere else to go. It was…nice while you were able to stay.”
All the excuses I’ve crafted for leaving are useless. How he got to know me so well in such a short time I have no idea, but he’s giving me permission to leave with no regrets or hard feelings. It’s too bad I can see the sadness in his eyes or he would fool me. Still, I can’t stay and we both know it.
Unable to stop myself, I lean over him and put my lips on his in what is our first kiss. Unlike the sex we’ve had, this is tender and soft, slow and drawn out until I pull away with a sigh, hoping he could feel the things I can’t make myself say say.
No words are spoken as I get up and take my bag. He calls to me as I reach the bedroom door, a smile on his face. “If you’re ever in the area again, feel free to stop by.”
Wordlessly, I nod with a smile of my own. On the street, I look up and count the windows until I locate his. He isn’t there, not that I expected him to be. Duo hates goodbyes and has said he avoids them whenever possible.
Slinging the bag over my shoulder, I walk in the direction of the space port, wondering what kind of ship I can get a ride on. I’m tired of travelling, but I know my journey isn’t over yet, although I have a feeling it will be done soon and the need to be on the move will disappear.
It’s odd to realize that in my years of hopping on ships to anonymous destinations I never came to L2 before. Perhaps fate intervened on my behalf, proving to me I didn’t have to keep going until I was a hollowed-out shell. Fate’s always had a way of kicking me in the ass like that.
Walking away from Duo, I know sometime in the future, possibly soon, I’ll be coming back to the desolate colony I’ve only visited once. There will be lots of time for me to discover the things on this colony and someone to discover them with. And so I travel still, looking for the next place to see. Against all odds, I found a home to come back to, and I know someone will be here waiting for me when I’m ready to return.
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AN: Should I keep going with this or let it end here?