Disclaimers and warnings in first part.
Unfortunately, it did happen, and although Trowa did a good job of pretending otherwise for the next three days, he was slowly going insane. He wished he had never felt Duo against him a second time or had Duo respond to him. His way of coping was to alternately try to forget what had taken place in his own kitchen or avoid Duo. The latter was more difficult than he would have previously believed, made harder by the way the American seemed to find him, no matter his location in the house.
Avoidance became impossible when he came home from work almost a week after what he had decided to term the Incident and discovered Duo on the couch with a pained expression on his face. Trowa never considered ignoring that look; just because he was having issues with his own emotions didn’t mean he had any intentions of making Duo suffer.
Settling on the couch he pulled the smaller man into a one-armed hug, ignoring the way his heart sped up at the small contact. “What is it?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. You don’t need to hear about my problems.”
“I thought we were friends,” Trowa said softly, knowing the best way to get Duo to talk to him.
Startled eyes met his, “We are. You’re the best friend I’ve had in a long time, but you really don’t want to hear about this, Trowa.”
“Why not? You’ve helped me before, so let me help you,” he encouraged, moving his hand to rub the back of Duo’s neck.
“It’s about Wufei,” Duo began, dropping his eyes to study the design on Trowa’s shirt, suddenly entranced with the logo of Trowa’s computer repair business.
The air stuck in Trowa’s lungs for a moment and he let it out slowly. If he could have forgotten what had happened between him and Duo or had said something before Wufei had become interested in the braided American, things would be so much easier. Things hadn’t happened that way and he had to deal with that. Trying to avoid the issue was only hurting Duo, something he had never wanted to do. “Tell me what happened, Duo.”
The smaller man searched his face for a long moment before sighing and leaning heavily into Trowa. “He’s mad at me because I’m not ready to move back in with him.”
“It’s your decision, Duo,” soothed the tall man, hand brushing down the long braid. “Don’t let him push you into doing something you aren’t ready for. If you aren’t sure about something, take your time and give it more thought. You don’t want to do something you’ll regret later, possibly hurting both of you in the process.”
“That’s what I tried to tell him. Wufei doesn’t understand what’s causing me to be so reluctant about continuing the way we were before.”
“Why are you? Do you know?”
Duo was quiet for a while, eventually shaking his head, “It isn’t one thing, really. I guess I’m reluctant because I don’t want it to be the way it was before. I don’t want to be there whenever he feels like taking an interest. Most nights it was like spending an evening with…not you, but maybe Heero or Quatre. We just…hung out, I guess.”
Trowa jerked in surprise, “You and Wufei have never…” he didn’t finish the sentence, not able to force the words out of his mouth.
“We’ve only kissed a handful of times in the year I lived there. Anything more never came up. Wufei didn’t push and I was glad. How’s that for pathetic?”
Unable to imagine not pushing Duo for more than a kiss if he was given the chance, Trowa had to wonder what the hell was wrong with Wufei. If Duo was open to the idea, he would have spent every available moment, and likely some that weren’t available, trying to seduce the braided man.
Shoving his own wants aside, he concentrated on being a good friend. “Think about what you need to be happy. I know you care for Wufei and worry about how he feels, but if you make a decision based on his feelings instead of your own, neither of you will be happy.”
“What if I decide wrong and make both of us unhappy?”
“Some choices might make you unhappy for a while, but only because of change. You and Wufei have been living together for a long time and whatever you choose may change that for a while, but underneath it all you will always be friends.”
Trowa didn’t understand the look Duo gave him after lifting his head from where it had been resting against the tall man’s chest, “Do you really believe that? Do you honestly think no matter what I choose that we’ll continue to be friends?”
Feeling Duo was asking about more than he comprehended, Trowa nodded slowly, “Of course. There’s too much history for a strong friendship to end. It might be strained for a little while, but it’ll be fine in the end.”
“I’m not as sure about that as you are, but I’ll take your advice and think about it more. Hopefully, Wufei will be as understanding and patient as you seem to be.”
Frowning deeply, Trowa froze with his hand halfway down Duo’s braid, “As I seem to be? This doesn’t have anything to do with me, Duo. This is about you and Wufei.”
“Really? I thought you would want me to choose between you two.”
“That’s not what this is about,” Trowa insisted, wondering if it was. “Duo, I just want you to be happy. What happened isn’t important. Don’t make your decision based on that.”
“What will you do if I decide to go back to living with Wufei? Will you care if I become lovers with him? Will we still be able to be friends?”
Trowa knew he would hate it if Duo and Wufei became lovers, but he was able to hide his reaction by imagining his life without Duo in it completely. Keeping this in mind helped him to smile while he felt like curling up into himself from the sharp pain in his heart, “If you do go back to Wufei, we’ll always be friends. I hope we’ll still be able to do things like we always have. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I hope that doesn’t change.”
Hoping the other man felt a little reassured, Trowa pulled away and was preparing to stand when his name was said softly. Turning on the couch he wasn’t braced for the light press of lips on his, an occurrence that had happened many times in the past as Duo showed his appreciation and affection for Trowa’s help and friendship. Breathing in the smaller man’s scent, he clenched his hands into fists to keep them from diving into the loosely braided hair.
When Duo pulled away, Trowa gave a quick smile, “You’re welcome,” he said to the unvoiced thanks. He started to get up again, needing some distance, only to be pulled forcefully back down. “Duo, I need to start supper. There’s some accounting I need to do tonight that I’ve been putting off,” he said quickly as he kept his eyes locked on the kitchen door. The touch of Duo’s hand on his arm had his desire grabbing him with an iron grip and he needed to get away before he did something like pushing the other man down onto the couch.
“Look at me, Trowa.”
The soft order had him shaking his head and realizing he had a decision to make of his own. He needed some time away from the long-haired man so he could forget his dreams regarding Duo. In the last few days he had started to realize his feelings ran deeper than he had assumed and he needed to get that way of thinking out of his head. Duo was his friend, his best friend, and would never be more. “There really are things I need to do, Duo. Do you mind having chicken for supper?”
There was no way to avoid looking at Duo when the other man abruptly climbed onto his lap. Trowa’s hand immediately went to the slim hips so Duo wouldn’t fall from his perch. “Duo, what are you doing?”
“Making sure I have your attention.”
“You definitely have my full attention,” the tall man noted wryly, finding a spot at the bottom of Duo’s ear to look at, deciding that would be safer than looking at the other man’s mouth.
“If I had your full attention, you’d be looking at me.”
“I am looking at you,” he hissed, teeth clenching as Duo shifted, making Trowa’s pants grow too tight to be considered comfortable. “What did you want to tell me?”
“I didn’t want to tell you anything.”
“Then why did you want to get my attention? I need to get supper started,” he repeated, grasping at the excuse.
“I need you to kiss me again.”
Stunned, Trowa finally met Duo’s eyes and found the amused gaze watching him. Leaning forward, he brushed his mouth over the other man’s so fast they barely touched before leaning back.
“Not what I meant, Trowa.”
“You can’t ask me to do this, Duo. I can’t do this, not now. Give me a few weeks and I’ll be able to, but not yet.”
“Why are you afraid? You’ve done it a thousand times before.”
He was trying to figure out a way to explain that it was different now. Because of knowing how close he had been to claiming Duo for his own he wasn’t able to give the companionable kisses the other man wanted. Not sure how to explain, he shook his head, “I just can’t right now.”
“Are you afraid?”
“Absolutely.”
Duo blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting Trowa’s fervent response. “You’re afraid of me?”
“I’m afraid I’ll try to eat you alive. I’m afraid of me,” Trowa admitted on a breathy sigh. “It’s going to take some time before I can go back to being calm about kissing you, if I ever can.”
“Is it really that exciting to kiss me?”
Trowa closed his eyes for a second, realizing that made things worse when he felt Duo’s heat seep into him. Popping them open, he found that innocent spot below Duo’s ear again, “Kissing you is like being plugged into an electric outlet that’s being overloaded. It fries my brain.”
“The same thing happens to me.”
“Why tempt me this way, then?” Trowa’s hands clenched on Duo’s hips as he fought the urge to pull the smaller man closer so he could rub on the warm body, “I know you’re trying to work things out with Wufei and I can’t argue with that, but why are you tempting me like this?”
“You’re tempted? To do what?”
Wondering why the braided man seemed to take so much glee in teasing him, Trowa growled, “You really don’t want to know.”
“I really think I do want to know,” the other man shocked Trowa by leaning closer. “Tell me what you’re tempted to do, Trowa.”
“Don’t make me do this, Duo. If I do this I’m going to want to do it again and again. I’m already having enough problems trying to forget.”
“You mean you haven’t forgotten? You haven’t acted any different or said anything about it.”
“I told you I would pretend it never happened. You made Wufei a promise.” He didn’t mention the sleepless nights where he had tossed and turned, tormented by sensations of Duo’s hands on him, of Duo’s mouth on his. “That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. Give me a few days, maybe a few weeks and…” Duo’s lips brushed his lightly and he lost his train of thought. “Don’t do this. I can’t take this.”
“I can’t sleep with you, Trowa. I’ve never had a lover before and I’m not ready for that,” the other man said softly as their breath mingled together.
Trowa wasn’t surprised that Duo had never had a lover. In their lives it was difficult to trust and taking a lover was offering someone trust on a level he had never experienced. “I’ve never had a lover, either. The closest I’ve come was that night on Howard’s ship with you.”
The braided man leaned back suddenly, apparently depending on Trowa to keep him from falling, “You’ve never had sex?”
“Why so shocked? I don’t have a busy social life.” It was a fact he had never given much thought to, uninterested in dating. He was realizing he hadn’t been interested in dating as long as he was able to spend time with Duo, where his affections had been focused. “Before the war the main focus was on training and staying alive.”
“Good point. You must have kissed a lot of people.”
“What brought you to that conclusion?” Trowa snorted. “The night on the ship was the first time I’d kissed anyone, Duo, and there’s only been one other person since then.”
“You’re just naturally talented at kissing, in that case.”
His face heated at the compliment, “I don’t know about that. I just do what feels right.” Realizing they were having a conversation about his kissing prowess, he frowned, “Let’s not do this. It’s already hard enough not touching you.”
All of the air left his lungs in a rush when Duo slid closer, rubbing against him like a bear scratching its back on a tree. “Something’s hard.”
“How can someone that’s never had sex know exactly what to do to make my eyes roll back in my head?” Trowa asked aloud as his eyes threatened to do just that. It was getting more and more difficult to remember why he wasn’t taking the other man up on the clear invitation. Tightening his hands on Duo’s hips to keep the smaller man from rocking against him, he shook his head, “I think we’re getting off point here.”
“Getting off is the wrong phrase to use right now,” Duo said on a moan as he rolled his hips into Trowa once more. “If you don’t do something soon, like now, I’m going to do something desperate, like strip off your clothes and lick you all over.”
The threat had Trowa imagining what that experience would be like, shuddering at the imagery. With a groan he finally gave in, aware he couldn’t fight the man that seemed to want his touch. Guiding Duo’s mouth to his, he tilted his head as soon as they touched, changing the angle and taking them deeper.